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{"source_url": "https://www.freepressjournal.in", "url": "https://www.freepressjournal.in/lifestyle/sex-and-relationships/sex-and-the-city-loveless-marriage-secret-sex", "title": "Sex and the City: Loveless marriage, secret sex", "top_image": "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2Fec76b0a9-f5dc-45ce-bc7d-0036325821a8%2F3.jpg?rect=0%2C0%2C600%2C315&w=1200&auto=format%2Ccompress&ogImage=true", "meta_img": "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2Fec76b0a9-f5dc-45ce-bc7d-0036325821a8%2F3.jpg?rect=0%2C0%2C600%2C315&w=1200&auto=format%2Ccompress&ogImage=true", "images": ["https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2Fec76b0a9-f5dc-45ce-bc7d-0036325821a8%2F3.jpg?rect=0%2C0%2C600%2C315&w=1200&auto=format%2Ccompress&ogImage=true", "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-01%2F540335f2-240d-4f82-8d52-160adf0c5b75%2FJP_Nadda.jpg?rect=0%2C0%2C1024%2C576&w=1200", "https://www.freepressjournal.in/Free_Press_Logo.png", "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-01%2F540335f2-240d-4f82-8d52-160adf0c5b75%2FJP_Nadda.jpg?rect=363%2C0%2C607%2C607&w=1200", "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2F3d919acf-3d91-49b8-91b6-a25302748607%2FAzad.jpg?rect=922%2C0%2C2394%2C2394&w=1200", "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2Fdb425ee7-07db-4a96-b655-e5659b0fff0c%2FShaheen_Bagh.jpg?w=1200", "data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7", "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2F3d919acf-3d91-49b8-91b6-a25302748607%2FAzad.jpg?rect=0%2C0%2C3457%2C1945&w=1200", "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2F7ce3ed5f-968a-487f-81f8-30f647714484%2Fday_night_test_twitter.jpg?rect=247%2C0%2C1365%2C1365&w=1200", "https://www.freepressjournal.in/lifestyle/sex-and-relationships/false", "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2F17ad5a03-a3bc-454b-8a71-dd3c801d3141%2FModi1.jpg?w=1200", "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2Fec76b0a9-f5dc-45ce-bc7d-0036325821a8%2F3.jpg?rect=0%2C0%2C600%2C338&w=1200", "https://gumlet.assettype.com/freepressjournal%2F2020-02%2F7ce3ed5f-968a-487f-81f8-30f647714484%2Fday_night_test_twitter.jpg?rect=0%2C213%2C2048%2C1152&w=1200"], "movies": [], "text": "I am in a very unfulfilling marriage with two lovely children. I got married in a hurry to escape my abusive alcoholic father and my spineless mother who would vent her sorrows with me as a young girl, make me fight with my father for her, but stayed on in the marriage.\n\nA married man from our friends\u2019 group expressed his attraction to me and I got drawn to the attention, as I neither got any attention as a child nor from my dismissive and dominating husband. The sex in our marriage was always rushed and one-sided and I never experienced any pleasure through the years.\n\nWhen I had sex with \u2018this man\u2019 I felt myself as a sensual being for the first time. This gradually became an addiction as I craved to be with him anytime I could.\n\nOver time he became aloof and refused to meet me and asked me to not get attached to him and to get \u2018real\u2019 about being married. He then completely stopped contact and has been putting up happy holiday pictures with his pregnant wife.\n\nI feel jealous and crave to hold him again. I am restless, irritable and disinterested in home affairs and aloof from everyone. I want to be able to move on, but the physical memory and craving in my body draws me to fantasising about being back with him. How should I move on?\n\nAll human beings have needs. The need to be looked at and paid attention to ranks as one of our most fundamental needs. A young baby first experiences this need as he/she is constantly attended to by a parent figure.\n\nA baby can\u2019t help itself but to rely on others at this point \u2013 but learns to cope and live autonomously as he/she grows up. All human beings therefore have a need to be seen, visible, relevant and at best loved. While this need to be \u2018heeded\u2019 continues to be much \u2018needed\u2019, we must adapt our methods at seeking out ways in which this need can be met.\n\nChildren and adults have different ways to seek out the attention of others and therefore the manners in which and measures through which \u2013 we like acknowledgement and attention must evolve with us over the years.\n\nNow as an adult woman, you have both emotional and physical needs that harken back to this fundamental need I have just explained. This is important to you.\n\nIn the absence of attention given to you by your father (while growing up as a little girl) and as a grown up woman from your dominating husband, this man served the function of a \u2018proxy\u2019.\n\nThis is not to suggest that what was shared between you both was not real. Only you know what you had shared and based on your question, one may imagine that a mutually gratifying sexual relationship was at the heart of your affair.\n\nClearly, the sex in your marriage wasn\u2019t enjoyable so you found a partner with whom sex was enjoyable. He fulfilled your need to be looked at and held. However, for some people, having multiple sexual partners or cheating on a spouse can lead to moral dilemmas.\n\nIn most cultures, an extramarital affair brings with it both social stigma and scorn of one\u2019s near and dear ones. One way or the other, the emotional ramifications of the phenomenon of infidelity are inescapable.\n\nHis wife\u2019s pregnancy may have presented him with the ethical dilemma of whether he wants to be with you or with his pregnant wife who will be mothering his baby. We are all free to make decisions on what we would like to focus on. Sometimes the path of pleasure is directly in conflict with the path of responsibility.\n\nHis responsibilities currently involve being there for his wife and baby as the \u2018family man\u2019. Your responsibilities currently entail being free of the burden of your past so that you are free to decide what kind of future you like for yourself. If you would really like to move on, you are going to have to be practical about this.\n\nThat would also require you to be frank with yourself. You have your children who will look to you for support. You felt unsupported in your childhood by your mother who also relied heavily on you to help her with her own emotional problems.\n\nThis was a role you were not prepared to take on. You had neither the resources nor the experience to fully understand your mother\u2019s woes. But times have changed. You will now have to do for yourself what your mother expected you to do for her. Persevere and plan.\n\nThe attention of men is a fleeting thing. One moment you will have it and the other moment; they will return to tending to their own lives. Perhaps spend time focusing on your wellness, fitness, emotional growth and learning something that excites you, you will find yourself more fulfilled and clear about what you need from yourself and from life.\n\nA visit to a counsellor may help to improve the relationship between you and your husband \u2013 if you would like to come clean with him about your extra-marital affair (in the spirit of honesty) or tell him about how you are not happy with the sex in the marriage.\n\nHe needs to do what you are going through if you like for the situation with your husband to improve. Sometimes oblivion is the root cause of discord. Once you have put your cards on the table, a negotiation may occur.", "keywords": [], "meta_keywords": ["Sex and the City", "Weeked reads", "loveless marriage"], "tags": ["Sex and the City", "Weeked reads", "loveless marriage"], "authors": [], "publish_date": null, "summary": "", "article_html": "", "meta_description": "All human beings have needs. The need to be looked at and paid attention to ranks as one of our most fundamental needs.", "meta_lang": "en", "meta_favicon": "https://www.freepressjournal.in/favicon.ico", "meta_data": {"news_keywords": "Sex and the City,Weeked reads,loveless marriage", "description": "All human beings have needs. 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