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The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.

Yes, I feel that scaredness right now.

Would you be willing to bring that feeling of being scared into this room, here with me? We would do it in the service of helping you take steps to get into the intimate relationship that you want to be in.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.###Input:Yes, I feel that scaredness right now.###Response:Would you be willing to bring that feeling of being scared into this room, here with me? We would do it in the service of helping you take steps to get into the intimate relationship that you want to be in.

The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.

Sounds hard, but okay. I really do want to connect intimately.

Okay, good. Please close your eyes and see what pictures pop up that are associated with those scared feelings. (Thinks, “So far, so good.”)

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.###Input:Sounds hard, but okay. I really do want to connect intimately.###Response:Okay, good. Please close your eyes and see what pictures pop up that are associated with those scared feelings. (Thinks, “So far, so good.”)

The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.

What comes up now is one where I’m alone in my room crying and feel hopeless about my mother, who is drunk again and I can’t help her.

Let’s continue. See if any other pictures come up for you.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.###Input:What comes up now is one where I’m alone in my room crying and feel hopeless about my mother, who is drunk again and I can’t help her.###Response:Let’s continue. See if any other pictures come up for you.

The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.

Okay. Another picture comes up on the same theme. In this one, I’m trying to talk to my mom about her drinking and she tells me she hasn’t had anything, but I smell liquor on her breath.

Okay, you can just sit with that picture for a few minutes and then come back to this room when you’re done.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.###Input:Okay. Another picture comes up on the same theme. In this one, I’m trying to talk to my mom about her drinking and she tells me she hasn’t had anything, but I smell liquor on her breath.###Response:Okay, you can just sit with that picture for a few minutes and then come back to this room when you’re done.

The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.

This is difficult for me. Maybe we could do it another time.

Sure, no need to rush through anything.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The client has a similar history and wants to tell the therapist about some of the history with which she still struggles. The therapist “thought bubbles” convey the therapist’s thoughts. These are followed by a functional analysis of those thoughts.###Input:This is difficult for me. Maybe we could do it another time.###Response:Sure, no need to rush through anything.

A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST

Whenever I try to get into an intimate relationship, I get scared and back away.

You are starting a similar relationship with me, here and now. Can you feel that same scaredness and tendency to back away?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST###Input:Whenever I try to get into an intimate relationship, I get scared and back away.###Response:You are starting a similar relationship with me, here and now. Can you feel that same scaredness and tendency to back away?

A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST

Yes, I feel that scaredness right now.

Would you be willing to bring that feeling of being scared into this room, here with me? We would do it in the service of helping you take steps to get into the intimate relationship that you want to be in.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST###Input:Would you be willing to bring that feeling of being scared into this room, here with me? We would do it in the service of helping you take steps to get into the intimate relationship that you want to be in.###Response:Yes, I feel that scaredness right now.

A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST

Sounds hard, but okay. I really do want to connect intimately.

Okay, good. Please close your eyes and see what pictures pop up that are associated with those scared feelings.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST###Input:Sounds hard, but okay. I really do want to connect intimately.###Response:Okay, good. Please close your eyes and see what pictures pop up that are associated with those scared feelings.

A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST

What comes up now is one where I’m alone in my room crying and feel hopeless about my mother, who is drunk again and I can’t help her.

I realize that this is a very painful picture for you—maybe one of the most painful you have since it came up first. Can you and I stay in this picture? Is it okay, even knowing this memory hurts, for us to stay here awhile and feel what hurts?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST###Input:What comes up now is one where I’m alone in my room crying and feel hopeless about my mother, who is drunk again and I can’t help her.###Response:I realize that this is a very painful picture for you—maybe one of the most painful you have since it came up first. Can you and I stay in this picture? Is it okay, even knowing this memory hurts, for us to stay here awhile and feel what hurts?

A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST

Everything inside me is telling me to run away and hide from it, but okay, I’ll try.

Would it be okay if we walked in there, inside that little girl’s room and sat there next to her on her bed, where she’s sitting and crying? You next to her and me next to you?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST###Input:Everything inside me is telling me to run away and hide from it, but okay, I’ll try.###Response:Would it be okay if we walked in there, inside that little girl’s room and sat there next to her on her bed, where she’s sitting and crying? You next to her and me next to you?

A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST

Okay, I can try, but I think she’s ashamed. I think she wants to be alone; she doesn’t want anyone to know.

That’s okay. Could we just sit near her and let her feel what she’s feeling? Whatever she’s feeling is okay.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A SHARED HISTORY, A MOMENT AS AN ACCEPTING THERAPIST###Input:Okay, I can try, but I think she’s ashamed. I think she wants to be alone; she doesn’t want anyone to know.###Response:That’s okay. Could we just sit near her and let her feel what she’s feeling? Whatever she’s feeling is okay.

outer circle represents living the farthest away from the value in that domain. We’ll use an extended example to show how the bull’s-eye can be utilized in the first session to help set values as the context of therapy. The following interaction, which focuses directly on the bull’s-eye work, takes place after the therapist has offered some introductory information regarding therapy.

It’s my stomach. I have the worst stomach! I’m always afraid that I won’t be able to get to the bathroom quickly enough. Doctors have said it’s lactose intolerance or an allergy and have had me cut all kinds of foods out of my diet, but nothing has worked. It’s been like this for about fifteen years, and it’s not getting any better. It’s embarrassing because I need to be close to a toilet. I can’t go anywhere if I don’t know where the toilets are, and I can’t go to a restaurant or to a parent-teacher conference because the toilets might be occupied. I can’t take my kids to the circus, soccer practice, or anything like that! Hell, I can’t even have sex with my wife without being worried that I’ll have to go!

I can see that this is really important and causes a lot of pain for you. Let’s say that the bull’s-eye of this dartboard represents being the father you want to be—a present, loving, caring father who is active in your children’s lives—and that the ring farthest from the bull’s-eye represents that you are very far from being the father you described. What would best represent your behavior during the past week? Put an X on the dartboard that represents how well you have been living according to your values during this past week.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:outer circle represents living the farthest away from the value in that domain. We’ll use an extended example to show how the bull’s-eye can be utilized in the first session to help set values as the context of therapy. The following interaction, which focuses directly on the bull’s-eye work, takes place after the therapist has offered some introductory information regarding therapy.###Input:It’s my stomach. I have the worst stomach! I’m always afraid that I won’t be able to get to the bathroom quickly enough. Doctors have said it’s lactose intolerance or an allergy and have had me cut all kinds of foods out of my diet, but nothing has worked. It’s been like this for about fifteen years, and it’s not getting any better. It’s embarrassing because I need to be close to a toilet. I can’t go anywhere if I don’t know where the toilets are, and I can’t go to a restaurant or to a parent-teacher conference because the toilets might be occupied. I can’t take my kids to the circus, soccer practice, or anything like that! Hell, I can’t even have sex with my wife without being worried that I’ll have to go!###Response:I can see that this is really important and causes a lot of pain for you. Let’s say that the bull’s-eye of this dartboard represents being the father you want to be—a present, loving, caring father who is active in your children’s lives—and that the ring farthest from the bull’s-eye represents that you are very far from being the father you described. What would best represent your behavior during the past week? Put an X on the dartboard that represents how well you have been living according to your values during this past week.

outer circle represents living the farthest away from the value in that domain. We’ll use an extended example to show how the bull’s-eye can be utilized in the first session to help set values as the context of therapy. The following interaction, which focuses directly on the bull’s-eye work, takes place after the therapist has offered some introductory information regarding therapy.

I would probably miss the whole dartboard! I don’t even think I’d hit the wall where the dartboard hangs.

Can you do one more dartboard, about your intimate relationship with your wife? It sounded like there’s a pretty high discrepancy between how you want that relationship to be and how it is in your life at the moment.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:outer circle represents living the farthest away from the value in that domain. We’ll use an extended example to show how the bull’s-eye can be utilized in the first session to help set values as the context of therapy. The following interaction, which focuses directly on the bull’s-eye work, takes place after the therapist has offered some introductory information regarding therapy.###Input:I would probably miss the whole dartboard! I don’t even think I’d hit the wall where the dartboard hangs.###Response:Can you do one more dartboard, about your intimate relationship with your wife? It sounded like there’s a pretty high discrepancy between how you want that relationship to be and how it is in your life at the moment.

outer circle represents living the farthest away from the value in that domain. We’ll use an extended example to show how the bull’s-eye can be utilized in the first session to help set values as the context of therapy. The following interaction, which focuses directly on the bull’s-eye work, takes place after the therapist has offered some introductory information regarding therapy.

Yes, it really sucks. I love her to pieces but…

should our time together be about getting closer to the bull’s eye in your life?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:outer circle represents living the farthest away from the value in that domain. We’ll use an extended example to show how the bull’s-eye can be utilized in the first session to help set values as the context of therapy. The following interaction, which focuses directly on the bull’s-eye work, takes place after the therapist has offered some introductory information regarding therapy.###Input:Yes, it really sucks. I love her to pieces but…###Response:should our time together be about getting closer to the bull’s eye in your life?

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

I’ve thought about it over and over and I still just cannot believe that she could do this to me! I always wanted to have children with her and now… Oh my God! It’s someone else who will get to raise her child. I hate her right now! I really do.

I can see that this is hard for you. Do you mind if we try something here? We’ve talked about this issue for a few sessions now and I’m feeling a little stuck. Are you? (Carlos nods emphatically.) Okay, great. (The therapist takes an index card from the pile and holds it up.) Let’s use these cards to take a fresh look at your situation. Would that be alright?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:I’ve thought about it over and over and I still just cannot believe that she could do this to me! I always wanted to have children with her and now… Oh my God! It’s someone else who will get to raise her child. I hate her right now! I really do.###Response:I can see that this is hard for you. Do you mind if we try something here? We’ve talked about this issue for a few sessions now and I’m feeling a little stuck. Are you? (Carlos nods emphatically.) Okay, great. (The therapist takes an index card from the pile and holds it up.) Let’s use these cards to take a fresh look at your situation. Would that be alright?

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

Sure. Anything to help me feel better about this.

Okay. So, what we know so far is this: You’ve been wronged—big time.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:Sure. Anything to help me feel better about this.###Response:Okay. So, what we know so far is this: You’ve been wronged—big time.

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

Yes! Exactly. She’s such a… I’m so angry! I wish we’d never met. I feel like I’ve lost every chance I had at happiness and having a family.

You’re right. You’d never have been hurt this way if you’d never met.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:Yes! Exactly. She’s such a… I’m so angry! I wish we’d never met. I feel like I’ve lost every chance I had at happiness and having a family.###Response:You’re right. You’d never have been hurt this way if you’d never met.

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

I mean, I did everything for her. I always was respectful, and I supported her career and her wishes about where we should live. We planned everything together. I can’t believe I wasted so much energy on her. I am such a fool.

You’re right! What a waste of energy!

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:But I suppose I could have done things differently. I know I was gone a lot, working, and then I got so moody when my business got hectic. It’s probably my fault, too.###Response:You’re right! What a waste of energy!

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

But I suppose I could have done things differently. I know I was gone a lot, working, and then I got so moody when my business got hectic. It’s probably my fault, too.

Yes—you were wrong.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:But I suppose I could have done things differently. I know I was gone a lot, working, and then I got so moody when my business got hectic. It’s probably my fault, too.###Response:Yes—you were wrong.

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

Wait a minute, though! She took it too far! Why didn’t she just talk to me? If I had known how much she was hurting, I wouldn’t have let things get so screwed up. At least I always worked hard for our relationship.

You’re right! She shouldn’t have done it, no matter what you did first.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:Wait a minute, though! She took it too far! Why didn’t she just talk to me? If I had known how much she was hurting, I wouldn’t have let things get so screwed up. At least I always worked hard for our relationship.###Response:You’re right! She shouldn’t have done it, no matter what you did first.

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

Augh. I can’t stand myself. I feel like I’m not a man anymore… so weak and alone.

So here you are, hurt and alone. I can see that this is painful for you… And I want to ask you something really important: What have you got to show for all of this pain and suffering?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:Augh. I can’t stand myself. I feel like I’m not a man anymore… so weak and alone.###Response:So here you are, hurt and alone. I can see that this is painful for you… And I want to ask you something really important: What have you got to show for all of this pain and suffering?

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

What do you mean?

Well, let’s think about this. Look at the cards on your knees. Let’s say that your left knee represents the “You’re Right” pile and your right knee represents the “You’re Wrong” pile. Which has more cards?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:What do you mean?###Response:Well, let’s think about this. Look at the cards on your knees. Let’s say that your left knee represents the “You’re Right” pile and your right knee represents the “You’re Wrong” pile. Which has more cards?

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

The left.

Exactly. You’re right! The cards say so! And I bet if we asked everyone you both know who was in the wrong, they’d all pick your wife. By a show of hands and according to these cards, you are in the right… But what then?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:The left.###Response:Exactly. You’re right! The cards say so! And I bet if we asked everyone you both know who was in the wrong, they’d all pick your wife. By a show of hands and according to these cards, you are in the right… But what then?

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

I don’t know what you mean.

When you first came to therapy, we talked about what mattered to you more than anything. Inside all of this anger and hurt, I can hear it. Do you remember what you said?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:I don’t know what you mean.###Response:When you first came to therapy, we talked about what mattered to you more than anything. Inside all of this anger and hurt, I can hear it. Do you remember what you said?

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

I said I wanted to be about love. But now I don’t know.

Exactly. Now let’s look at these two piles. What happened to love when we were talking about these cards?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:I said I wanted to be about love. But now I don’t know.###Response:Exactly. Now let’s look at these two piles. What happened to love when we were talking about these cards?

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

It’s gone.

Exactly—even though I, your friends, maybe even your wife, would say that you’re in the right. But now what? What do you have now that you’re right? All you have left is what you care about—your behavior, your values, and, yes, your pain. Do you want to spend your time being right or do you want to live your life with love? What if you could have your pain, honor that you were hurt, and still choose to attend to what matters to you? Not to let her off the hook, not to forget, but to continue your life and do what matters to you.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:It’s gone.###Response:Exactly—even though I, your friends, maybe even your wife, would say that you’re in the right. But now what? What do you have now that you’re right? All you have left is what you care about—your behavior, your values, and, yes, your pain. Do you want to spend your time being right or do you want to live your life with love? What if you could have your pain, honor that you were hurt, and still choose to attend to what matters to you? Not to let her off the hook, not to forget, but to continue your life and do what matters to you.

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

I guess. So, even though this painful, horrible thing happened, I don’t have to stay stuck in it… That’s what you’re saying?

Maybe. It’s so easy to get stuck… I’m not blaming you here. I’ve done this very thing, too. It feels good to stay powerful and “right” when someone else is “wrong.” But it takes an awful lot of energy and it has a cost. You’ve told me that you’ve pretty much withdrawn from your life.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input:I guess. So, even though this painful, horrible thing happened, I don’t have to stay stuck in it… That’s what you’re saying?###Response:Maybe. It’s so easy to get stuck… I’m not blaming you here. I’ve done this very thing, too. It feels good to stay powerful and “right” when someone else is “wrong.” But it takes an awful lot of energy and it has a cost. You’ve told me that you’ve pretty much withdrawn from your life.

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

Yeah. So I should stop feeling bad about what she did to me and just move on, you know, pushing ahead and things?

Yeah, so even now, your mind is saying that’s the only way to move on. That’s not it either. This pain seems like it might stick around for a little while, and I’m not suggesting that you let it go or ignore it, but rather that you see if you could still live your life in ways that you care about deeply. What if you could continue to live your values—maybe in a new way that you aren’t used to—with the pain you have from being hurt?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input: Yeah. So I should stop feeling bad about what she did to me and just move on, you know, pushing ahead and things?###Response:Yeah, so even now, your mind is saying that’s the only way to move on. That’s not it either. This pain seems like it might stick around for a little while, and I’m not suggesting that you let it go or ignore it, but rather that you see if you could still live your life in ways that you care about deeply. What if you could continue to live your values—maybe in a new way that you aren’t used to—with the pain you have from being hurt?

Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.

I guess I could try, but I’m not exactly sure how.

Yeah, me neither. Would you be willing to work together to move toward living with love, even in the face of this horrible upset and pain?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Right versus wrong is a particularly strong judgment that we’ve all had at some point. We’ll use an example to illustrate how to help a client move beyond such judgments, even when the client feels cheated, harmed, left out, or otherwise wronged by another person.###Input: I guess I could try, but I’m not exactly sure how.###Response:Yeah, me neither. Would you be willing to work together to move toward living with love, even in the face of this horrible upset and pain?

the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.

Um, I guess it tells me that it’s not possible to fix things with my family even though I want to.

Great! Sure, so it kind of hangs out here. But how can this little piece of paper keep you from talking to your family? Or caring about your friends? Is it that powerful?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.###Input: Um, I guess it tells me that it’s not possible to fix things with my family even though I want to.###Response:Great! Sure, so it kind of hangs out here. But how can this little piece of paper keep you from talking to your family? Or caring about your friends? Is it that powerful?

the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.

No, I guess not. But, I’ve screwed up too much to deserve their support anymore.

Oh! Okay, here’s another one: “I don’t deserve good relationships.” So this one gets in your way, telling you that you’re not worthy of relationships.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.###Input: No, I guess not. But, I’ve screwed up too much to deserve their support anymore.###Response:Oh! Okay, here’s another one: “I don’t deserve good relationships.” So this one gets in your way, telling you that you’re not worthy of relationships.

the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.

Um, well, it just seems impossible for me to do anything right. I borrowed so much money and then spent it on booze. I sold their stuff sometimes and abused their trust.

So this sticky note is getting in the way between us now. It’s keeping us from really talking about what you care about. I’m not blaming you; this is just a thought that you’ve picked up from your history, and it seems that you’re experiencing some suffering as we even bring up these thoughts. (Ethan nods, and the therapist places the second sticky note on her other shoulder.) I want you to know that I’m in here for you, and that what I care about most is supporting you in living your life the way you want. My intent isn’t to hurt you by bringing up these thoughts. In the service of what you most care about, maybe we can practice just noticing these “yucky” sticky notes. These thoughts just seem to show up and tell you who you are and what you can do, but they are just that—words written on sticky notes. Let’s imagine for a moment that you could do what you wanted—not what this sticky note says is possible for you. Would you be willing to practice looking at me, working with me on what is possible for you, even if these thoughts are still here, in your line of sight?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.###Input: Um, well, it just seems impossible for me to do anything right. I borrowed so much money and then spent it on booze. I sold their stuff sometimes and abused their trust.###Response:So this sticky note is getting in the way between us now. It’s keeping us from really talking about what you care about. I’m not blaming you; this is just a thought that you’ve picked up from your history, and it seems that you’re experiencing some suffering as we even bring up these thoughts. (Ethan nods, and the therapist places the second sticky note on her other shoulder.) I want you to know that I’m in here for you, and that what I care about most is supporting you in living your life the way you want. My intent isn’t to hurt you by bringing up these thoughts. In the service of what you most care about, maybe we can practice just noticing these “yucky” sticky notes. These thoughts just seem to show up and tell you who you are and what you can do, but they are just that—words written on sticky notes. Let’s imagine for a moment that you could do what you wanted—not what this sticky note says is possible for you. Would you be willing to practice looking at me, working with me on what is possible for you, even if these thoughts are still here, in your line of sight?

the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.

I think so… But they’re pretty distracting

Yup, just like they normally are when they show up for you, right? So, let’s take a minute and try something. Sometimes these stories about you are pretty rude, huh? I’m going to write, “I’m not worthy of my therapist’s attention” and put it here. (Sticks the note to her forehead.) Your job is to look only at this note while I’m talking. So, Ethan, you were telling me that caring about your family is very important to you, and that you are in a lot of pain about not feeling like you can share your caring with them because you are a “screw-up.” I feel really sad when I hear that, because I know you care for them deeply and these rules about yourself and what is possible are really putting up roadblocks for you. I don’t know what your family would really do if you were to share your caring with them, but the first step might be to share it openly with me. Let’s just sit here for a minute and contemplate the possibility of being willing to have that value of being close with the people you care about here in this room.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.###Input:I think so… But they’re pretty distracting###Response:Yup, just like they normally are when they show up for you, right? So, let’s take a minute and try something. Sometimes these stories about you are pretty rude, huh? I’m going to write, “I’m not worthy of my therapist’s attention” and put it here. (Sticks the note to her forehead.) Your job is to look only at this note while I’m talking. So, Ethan, you were telling me that caring about your family is very important to you, and that you are in a lot of pain about not feeling like you can share your caring with them because you are a “screw-up.” I feel really sad when I hear that, because I know you care for them deeply and these rules about yourself and what is possible are really putting up roadblocks for you. I don’t know what your family would really do if you were to share your caring with them, but the first step might be to share it openly with me. Let’s just sit here for a minute and contemplate the possibility of being willing to have that value of being close with the people you care about here in this room.

the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.

Just that—that I’m not worthy.

So, when you attend only to your story about who you are, you’re missing out on a lot of things around you—in this case, me caring for you. There was a real cost here, and I noticed that when you were looking only at this sticky note, you weren’t really here with me. I’d much rather be here with you even if these sticky notes are here, too. Our job will be to watch out for when these stories about you get in the way of living your values. We’ll have a sense of when that’s happening when they start to become barriers to us doing what you came here for—looking for what you really care about and choosing how you want to live. Would you be willing to look out for these patterns in the service of creating new ones?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.###Input: Just that—that I’m not worthy.###Response:So, when you attend only to your story about who you are, you’re missing out on a lot of things around you—in this case, me caring for you. There was a real cost here, and I noticed that when you were looking only at this sticky note, you weren’t really here with me. I’d much rather be here with you even if these sticky notes are here, too. Our job will be to watch out for when these stories about you get in the way of living your values. We’ll have a sense of when that’s happening when they start to become barriers to us doing what you came here for—looking for what you really care about and choosing how you want to live. Would you be willing to look out for these patterns in the service of creating new ones?

the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.

Him! Well, in all seriousness, I guess the relationship.

Not only the relationship, but in order to never feel lonely or sad again, you’d also have to give up caring about whether any other relationships you have will work out. And how could you stop caring about them?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.###Input:Him! Well, in all seriousness, I guess the relationship.###Response:Not only the relationship, but in order to never feel lonely or sad again, you’d also have to give up caring about whether any other relationships you have will work out. And how could you stop caring about them?

the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.

Well, I could pretend that nothing mattered. But I’ve done that…for many years. And it wasn’t fun.

So, if you couldn’t stop caring on command, you’d probably have to give up all relationships. Would you be willing to give up all future relationships, including the one with your husband—and even those with your daughter and your sister—so that you’d never feel sad again?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.###Input:Well, I could pretend that nothing mattered. But I’ve done that…for many years. And it wasn’t fun.###Response:So, if you couldn’t stop caring on command, you’d probably have to give up all relationships. Would you be willing to give up all future relationships, including the one with your husband—and even those with your daughter and your sister—so that you’d never feel sad again?

the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.

No! I’d hate that. Especially my daughter and sister. I love them and I couldn’t live without them in my life.

It’s like “relationships” are on one side of this index card here, and “sadness and loneliness” are on the other. So, as painful as it is, in order to give up sadness, you’d have to give up caring about your relationships, whoever they’re with. You’d have to throw away this whole card—you can’t just erase one side of it and move on.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.###Input:No! I’d hate that. Especially my daughter and sister. I love them and I couldn’t live without them in my life.###Response:It’s like “relationships” are on one side of this index card here, and “sadness and loneliness” are on the other. So, as painful as it is, in order to give up sadness, you’d have to give up caring about your relationships, whoever they’re with. You’d have to throw away this whole card—you can’t just erase one side of it and move on.

the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.

Wow, I never thought about it that way. I’ve always thought, “Change Earl and you’ll feel better.” But you’re right. I’d have to live all by myself until I get old and die to stop caring about people.

Would you be willing to make room for the possibility that something matters to you in your relationships that you can work toward every day? I’m not saying fix your partner. But what if you could allow yourself to choose how you want to behave based on the fact that you care about your relationships?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist and client work together to examine the function of his stories about his life. In essence, the therapist is showing client that when he lives his life within the confines of what his self-concept says is possible, he’s cutting himself off from opportunities to live his values.###Input:Wow, I never thought about it that way. I’ve always thought, “Change Earl and you’ll feel better.” But you’re right. I’d have to live all by myself until I get old and die to stop caring about people.###Response:Would you be willing to make room for the possibility that something matters to you in your relationships that you can work toward every day? I’m not saying fix your partner. But what if you could allow yourself to choose how you want to behave based on the fact that you care about your relationships?

the client chooses a step he’s willing to take in a valued direction. He commits himself to the step, and the therapist makes sure that the client has taken responsibility for his action and expresses an interest and a curiosity in how it may turn out.

This is hard… I guess I could talk to my wife and be more honest with her and stop shutting her out of my life and my problems.

I don’t want you to commit to something that you don’t feel you are ready for. This is your life and you have to find your path here.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the client chooses a step he’s willing to take in a valued direction. He commits himself to the step, and the therapist makes sure that the client has taken responsibility for his action and expresses an interest and a curiosity in how it may turn out.###Input:This is hard… I guess I could talk to my wife and be more honest with her and stop shutting her out of my life and my problems.###Response:I don’t want you to commit to something that you don’t feel you are ready for. This is your life and you have to find your path here.

the client chooses a step he’s willing to take in a valued direction. He commits himself to the step, and the therapist makes sure that the client has taken responsibility for his action and expresses an interest and a curiosity in how it may turn out.

Yeah, true, but this is something I’m ready to do and something I want to do. At the same time, it scares me a bit.

Okay, Frank. Is it okay to embrace this scary moment in the service of your values?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the client chooses a step he’s willing to take in a valued direction. He commits himself to the step, and the therapist makes sure that the client has taken responsibility for his action and expresses an interest and a curiosity in how it may turn out.###Input:Yeah, true, but this is something I’m ready to do and something I want to do. At the same time, it scares me a bit.###Response:Okay, Frank. Is it okay to embrace this scary moment in the service of your values?

the client chooses a step he’s willing to take in a valued direction. He commits himself to the step, and the therapist makes sure that the client has taken responsibility for his action and expresses an interest and a curiosity in how it may turn out.

Yes it is. I can do that.

Interesting. I can’t wait to see how that worked out for you when we meet next week.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the client chooses a step he’s willing to take in a valued direction. He commits himself to the step, and the therapist makes sure that the client has taken responsibility for his action and expresses an interest and a curiosity in how it may turn out.###Input:Yes it is. I can do that.###Response: Interesting. I can’t wait to see how that worked out for you when we meet next week.

Client had a good idea of what she needed to do. Often, this isn’t the case due to entanglement with thoughts and emotions that get in the way of perspective taking. The role of the therapist is to help the client take perspective and formulate value oriented actions.

You’re right that I get stuck in my feelings. One thing I need and want to do is to continuously gently bring us back to what it is that’s important in the therapy room. Right now I’m not doing anything but avoiding… When we’re talking about everyday things, I want to ask her if we’re doing the most important thing right here and now related to what she wants. Because I don’t think we are mostly. It seems like we only talk about horses and everyday things. It isn’t good for Linda, and it isn’t good for me!

Okay, that sounds important. How can you gently bring her and yourself back to what’s important in the therapy room?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Client had a good idea of what she needed to do. Often, this isn’t the case due to entanglement with thoughts and emotions that get in the way of perspective taking. The role of the therapist is to help the client take perspective and formulate value oriented actions. ###Input:You’re right that I get stuck in my feelings. One thing I need and want to do is to continuously gently bring us back to what it is that’s important in the therapy room. Right now I’m not doing anything but avoiding… When we’re talking about everyday things, I want to ask her if we’re doing the most important thing right here and now related to what she wants. Because I don’t think we are mostly. It seems like we only talk about horses and everyday things. It isn’t good for Linda, and it isn’t good for me!###Response:Okay, that sounds important. How can you gently bring her and yourself back to what’s important in the therapy room?

Client had a good idea of what she needed to do. Often, this isn’t the case due to entanglement with thoughts and emotions that get in the way of perspective taking. The role of the therapist is to help the client take perspective and formulate value oriented actions.

I think that I can lean forward, maybe put my hand on hers, look into her eyes, and just ask. It feels scary when I think about doing it, but I need to break our pattern to be of service to her. When I do that, I think we need to stop and reflect on what’s happening in the room…what happens inside ourselves and between us.

That sounds important,—to use all of your compassion and acceptance to feel what you feel and make room for all thoughts, emotions, and fears that pop up. Break the emotional avoidance circle and see if it’s possible to create a space for all emotions in the moment and just be there, right there with everything you might experience. Those are two important therapeutic moves you will develop that coincide with the analysis, right? Break emotional avoidance and make room for new experiences. I’ll write those two moves as the first things you need to do. What else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Client had a good idea of what she needed to do. Often, this isn’t the case due to entanglement with thoughts and emotions that get in the way of perspective taking. The role of the therapist is to help the client take perspective and formulate value oriented actions. ###Input:I think that I can lean forward, maybe put my hand on hers, look into her eyes, and just ask. It feels scary when I think about doing it, but I need to break our pattern to be of service to her. When I do that, I think we need to stop and reflect on what’s happening in the room…what happens inside ourselves and between us.###Response:That sounds important,—to use all of your compassion and acceptance to feel what you feel and make room for all thoughts, emotions, and fears that pop up. Break the emotional avoidance circle and see if it’s possible to create a space for all emotions in the moment and just be there, right there with everything you might experience. Those are two important therapeutic moves you will develop that coincide with the analysis, right? Break emotional avoidance and make room for new experiences. I’ll write those two moves as the first things you need to do. What else?

Client had a good idea of what she needed to do. Often, this isn’t the case due to entanglement with thoughts and emotions that get in the way of perspective taking. The role of the therapist is to help the client take perspective and formulate value oriented actions.

I’d also like to talk about working with acceptance of memories and emotions in the service of getting in contact with her values. I would like us to be about that and not be about avoidance.

Okay, so if I understand you correctly, you would like to go back and again give Linda a brief rationale of your work? Where is she going right now if you look at her behavior? What stands between her and her valued life? How do you think you can and need to work with this together? If I understand you correctly, that would mean going through your conceptualization with her continuously and working with psychological flexibility in the room. Sounds important. I’ll write that down as well.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Client had a good idea of what she needed to do. Often, this isn’t the case due to entanglement with thoughts and emotions that get in the way of perspective taking. The role of the therapist is to help the client take perspective and formulate value oriented actions. ###Input:I’d also like to talk about working with acceptance of memories and emotions in the service of getting in contact with her values. I would like us to be about that and not be about avoidance.###Response:Okay, so if I understand you correctly, you would like to go back and again give Linda a brief rationale of your work? Where is she going right now if you look at her behavior? What stands between her and her valued life? How do you think you can and need to work with this together? If I understand you correctly, that would mean going through your conceptualization with her continuously and working with psychological flexibility in the room. Sounds important. I’ll write that down as well.

Client had a good idea of what she needed to do. Often, this isn’t the case due to entanglement with thoughts and emotions that get in the way of perspective taking. The role of the therapist is to help the client take perspective and formulate value oriented actions.

Yeah, and one more thing I want to do with her: I want to be able to self-disclose things with her when it can help her. Instead of avoiding and getting stuck in my own history, I’d like to be able to share my experiences with her. That way I’ll model that it’s possible to experience emotions and memories without defense, and I also think that we’d be acting more in the service of our common values of being open with each other.

Interesting idea. I’ll write that down as well. Okay Helena, I would suggest this: Record your sessions with Linda and afterward look at the tape and record a tally mark for each time you do your chosen move. Bring the tape and the worksheet to the next supervision session and we’ll see where you are and what we can do to help you. The worksheet will help us evaluate how well you did what you wanted to do. I also suggest that you start the next session by addressing what you hypothesize has happened between the two of you and how you want to continue from now on. How does that sound?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Client had a good idea of what she needed to do. Often, this isn’t the case due to entanglement with thoughts and emotions that get in the way of perspective taking. The role of the therapist is to help the client take perspective and formulate value oriented actions. ###Input:Yeah, and one more thing I want to do with her: I want to be able to self-disclose things with her when it can help her. Instead of avoiding and getting stuck in my own history, I’d like to be able to share my experiences with her. That way I’ll model that it’s possible to experience emotions and memories without defense, and I also think that we’d be acting more in the service of our common values of being open with each other.###Response:Interesting idea. I’ll write that down as well. Okay Helena, I would suggest this: Record your sessions with Linda and afterward look at the tape and record a tally mark for each time you do your chosen move. Bring the tape and the worksheet to the next supervision session and we’ll see where you are and what we can do to help you. The worksheet will help us evaluate how well you did what you wanted to do. I also suggest that you start the next session by addressing what you hypothesize has happened between the two of you and how you want to continue from now on. How does that sound?

This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.

Well, I think there are many things. I think they gave me this education without really knowing what to do with me when I was done. Someone has to do my other work duties. My boss told me he wanted me to do therapy as long as it didn’t put the other nurses in difficult situations or give them an unrealistic workload. My boss is okay though; he is in most ways supportive. The most problematic obstacles are my nurse colleagues. I can work as a therapist; my boss has said okay to that. Also, my own experience tells me that it wouldn’t be too much of a problem for my colleagues to help me out. The workload isn’t that bad. I could easily work as a therapist two to three hours a day and they could cover for me. It wouldn’t be a problem; it would actually help them and ease their workload because I would take care of the most troublesome clients… Actually, when I think about it and we talk about it, one of the other nurses has told me that she would support me, so I’m not really sure what the problem is… It is just that I feel so bad when there are things to do and I want to contribute, and I don’t want the others to think badly of me.

You want to work as a therapist and your boss has said okay. You have support from at least one of your colleagues. If I understand you correctly, what stands between you and developing at work are your feelings of not contributing enough and that others would think badly of you. When thoughts about not contributing pop up, you feel anxious and ignore your valued direction and do things to lessen your anxiety. Is that correct?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.###Input:Well, I think there are many things. I think they gave me this education without really knowing what to do with me when I was done. Someone has to do my other work duties. My boss told me he wanted me to do therapy as long as it didn’t put the other nurses in difficult situations or give them an unrealistic workload. My boss is okay though; he is in most ways supportive. The most problematic obstacles are my nurse colleagues. I can work as a therapist; my boss has said okay to that. Also, my own experience tells me that it wouldn’t be too much of a problem for my colleagues to help me out. The workload isn’t that bad. I could easily work as a therapist two to three hours a day and they could cover for me. It wouldn’t be a problem; it would actually help them and ease their workload because I would take care of the most troublesome clients… Actually, when I think about it and we talk about it, one of the other nurses has told me that she would support me, so I’m not really sure what the problem is… It is just that I feel so bad when there are things to do and I want to contribute, and I don’t want the others to think badly of me.###Response:You want to work as a therapist and your boss has said okay. You have support from at least one of your colleagues. If I understand you correctly, what stands between you and developing at work are your feelings of not contributing enough and that others would think badly of you. When thoughts about not contributing pop up, you feel anxious and ignore your valued direction and do things to lessen your anxiety. Is that correct?

This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.

Yes, I guess so. I think that I’m afraid of stepping out of my old patterns at work. I’ve always taken care of others and haven’t really taken any space. If I started working as a therapist, I might feel like I had to leave the nursing job and my nurse colleagues.

Sure, I understand that it would be emotional for you and something new, which is what you want and at the same time are afraid of, right?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.###Input:Yes, I guess so. I think that I’m afraid of stepping out of my old patterns at work. I’ve always taken care of others and haven’t really taken any space. If I started working as a therapist, I might feel like I had to leave the nursing job and my nurse colleagues.###Response:Sure, I understand that it would be emotional for you and something new, which is what you want and at the same time are afraid of, right?

This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.

Yeah, and I really, really want to do it!

What would be a good first step for you to do?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.###Input:Yeah, and I really, really want to do it!###Response:What would be a good first step for you to do?

This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.

I think I need to talk to my colleagues and tell them what I want and maybe also tell them what I’m afraid of. I want to tell them that being a therapist is important for me and that it might even develop our unit. We know each other well and we talk openly about all kinds of things, and I really think I can talk openly with them. I even think that they would help me more if I were open with them. However, I need to be prepared for a negative reaction from some of them.

Okay, you’re thinking of talking to your four colleagues in your nurse team and are prepared for both help and other reactions. Can you include them in more ways so that they can participate in this development and not only do it as a favor to you?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.###Input:I think I need to talk to my colleagues and tell them what I want and maybe also tell them what I’m afraid of. I want to tell them that being a therapist is important for me and that it might even develop our unit. We know each other well and we talk openly about all kinds of things, and I really think I can talk openly with them. I even think that they would help me more if I were open with them. However, I need to be prepared for a negative reaction from some of them.###Response:Okay, you’re thinking of talking to your four colleagues in your nurse team and are prepared for both help and other reactions. Can you include them in more ways so that they can participate in this development and not only do it as a favor to you?

This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.

Maybe I can ask them to refer clients that they think need therapy. Maybe we can work as a team around some of the clients that are really difficult and troublesome. My colleagues are open, and I think it might work.

That sounds fun and interesting—including your colleagues and creating a treatment team. Do you think you could include your boss in some way?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This conversation shows how entangled one can get in thoughts and feelings.###Input:Maybe I can ask them to refer clients that they think need therapy. Maybe we can work as a team around some of the clients that are really difficult and troublesome. My colleagues are open, and I think it might work.###Response:That sounds fun and interesting—including your colleagues and creating a treatment team. Do you think you could include your boss in some way?

the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.

I’m ready now.

I can see that you are. I can also see that you’ve been suffering and are suffering right now. On the phone, you already told me briefly about what has happened in your life. I can see that you’re prepared to tell me all about this, and I wonder if for the time being we could just put this problem over here on my shelf for safekeeping and instead, for right now, talk about you.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.###Input:I’m ready now.###Response:I can see that you are. I can also see that you’ve been suffering and are suffering right now. On the phone, you already told me briefly about what has happened in your life. I can see that you’re prepared to tell me all about this, and I wonder if for the time being we could just put this problem over here on my shelf for safekeeping and instead, for right now, talk about you.

the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.

Wow, yeah, um, I thought you needed to know about what my husband has done, about the betrayal.

To tell you the truth, Jane, you are my client, not your husband, and it is you I’m interested in. If it’s okay with you, let’s put your husband’s actions on that shelf and allow me to get to know who you are and what’s important to you. Would that be alright?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.###Input:Wow, yeah, um, I thought you needed to know about what my husband has done, about the betrayal.###Response:To tell you the truth, Jane, you are my client, not your husband, and it is you I’m interested in. If it’s okay with you, let’s put your husband’s actions on that shelf and allow me to get to know who you are and what’s important to you. Would that be alright?

the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.

Good, ’cause I don’t want to talk about it.

You know, Kathy, I can see that you have cut yourself, and not only last night. I see from all of your scars that you’ve done this to yourself many, many times over a good part of your young life. I feel sad about this, but that isn’t what I want to talk to you about. I want to talk about you, Kathy, the girl beyond those scars, beyond all these problems—it’s that Kathy that I want to talk to. Is she here?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.###Input:Good, ’cause I don’t want to talk about it.###Response:You know, Kathy, I can see that you have cut yourself, and not only last night. I see from all of your scars that you’ve done this to yourself many, many times over a good part of your young life. I feel sad about this, but that isn’t what I want to talk to you about. I want to talk about you, Kathy, the girl beyond those scars, beyond all these problems—it’s that Kathy that I want to talk to. Is she here?

the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.

She is, but she’s not talking to anyone right now.

Do you think you could give her a message from me?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.###Input:She is, but she’s not talking to anyone right now.###Response:Do you think you could give her a message from me?

the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.

As long as I get to censor; she doesn’t just let anyone say anything.

Could you tell her that I already know that she’s a girl who wants a life for herself. I can see that she wants to have friends and to feel a part of something, and to learn about things and create, to have boyfriends like everyone else and to be safe in her home. Tell her that this is some of what I see. Tell her that I can see that those parts of her life are far more important than the cutting, bandages, and scars. Could you tell her that?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the therapist takes the client off guard by straying from the expected or traditional path. In both cases, the therapist asks permission to leave that path and embarks instead on a new path characterized by what’s important and valuable to the client. The therapist gently and compassionately moves the focus from the urgent problem at hand to a higher level of values.###Input:As long as I get to censor; she doesn’t just let anyone say anything.###Response:Could you tell her that I already know that she’s a girl who wants a life for herself. I can see that she wants to have friends and to feel a part of something, and to learn about things and create, to have boyfriends like everyone else and to be safe in her home. Tell her that this is some of what I see. Tell her that I can see that those parts of her life are far more important than the cutting, bandages, and scars. Could you tell her that?

This interaction indicates client’s willingness to accept painful experiences in the service of widening her quality of life. Even this short excerpt from an early session with Karin shows how working with values can elicit samples of experientially avoidant behavior patterns that are probably relevant to the presenting problem.

It’s just that this is so hard. It’s so hard to talk about. It’s so embarrassing. I try not to think about it.

I think I just saw what you’re talking about. You stood at the whiteboard and just skipped over this area of intimate relationships, along with other areas where you would be focusing on yourself rather than others. When I simply asked about this, you covered your eyes and said you were afraid and got upset. So, right here in this room, you tried not to think about this, and what happened?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This interaction indicates client’s willingness to accept painful experiences in the service of widening her quality of life. Even this short excerpt from an early session with Karin shows how working with values can elicit samples of experientially avoidant behavior patterns that are probably relevant to the presenting problem.###Input:It’s just that this is so hard. It’s so hard to talk about. It’s so embarrassing. I try not to think about it.###Response:I think I just saw what you’re talking about. You stood at the whiteboard and just skipped over this area of intimate relationships, along with other areas where you would be focusing on yourself rather than others. When I simply asked about this, you covered your eyes and said you were afraid and got upset. So, right here in this room, you tried not to think about this, and what happened?

This interaction indicates client’s willingness to accept painful experiences in the service of widening her quality of life. Even this short excerpt from an early session with Karin shows how working with values can elicit samples of experientially avoidant behavior patterns that are probably relevant to the presenting problem.

I couldn’t think about anything else.

That’s what happens to us when we struggle to control our thoughts. They come right back at us with even greater strength. We can talk more about that later. What I want to know right now, Karin, is about these areas: intimate relationships, friendships, your own education and health care activities, your leisure activities, and your own spirituality. One at a time, I want to know about these areas that you skipped over. I understand, because I’ve seen just now that getting closer to these areas may be painful for you. But I think, in fact, that what I have seen right here—the fact that you so easily expressed what you valued when it came to other people but showed such difficulty and even avoided when it came to areas that have to do with taking care of you—maybe has something to do with the chronic pain problems you’re experiencing. What do you think?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This interaction indicates client’s willingness to accept painful experiences in the service of widening her quality of life. Even this short excerpt from an early session with Karin shows how working with values can elicit samples of experientially avoidant behavior patterns that are probably relevant to the presenting problem.###Input:I couldn’t think about anything else.###Response:That’s what happens to us when we struggle to control our thoughts. They come right back at us with even greater strength. We can talk more about that later. What I want to know right now, Karin, is about these areas: intimate relationships, friendships, your own education and health care activities, your leisure activities, and your own spirituality. One at a time, I want to know about these areas that you skipped over. I understand, because I’ve seen just now that getting closer to these areas may be painful for you. But I think, in fact, that what I have seen right here—the fact that you so easily expressed what you valued when it came to other people but showed such difficulty and even avoided when it came to areas that have to do with taking care of you—maybe has something to do with the chronic pain problems you’re experiencing. What do you think?

This interaction indicates client’s willingness to accept painful experiences in the service of widening her quality of life. Even this short excerpt from an early session with Karin shows how working with values can elicit samples of experientially avoidant behavior patterns that are probably relevant to the presenting problem.

Yeah, I guess somehow or other, I’ve had that feeling.

Would you be willing to bring those feelings of embarrassment and fear that you just had, here with me, back into this room? Are you willing to open up to that pain you’ve been avoiding here with me? You would be doing it in the service of getting closer to the life you want to live.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This interaction indicates client’s willingness to accept painful experiences in the service of widening her quality of life. Even this short excerpt from an early session with Karin shows how working with values can elicit samples of experientially avoidant behavior patterns that are probably relevant to the presenting problem.###Input:Yeah, I guess somehow or other, I’ve had that feeling.###Response:Would you be willing to bring those feelings of embarrassment and fear that you just had, here with me, back into this room? Are you willing to open up to that pain you’ve been avoiding here with me? You would be doing it in the service of getting closer to the life you want to live.

Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.

I don’t know. My mind says it’s important to treat people this way, that it really matters. But what’s the point? They’re all just words, evaluations at that, and I’ve been noticing a lot lately how flimsy those kinds of words are. It looks like, ultimately, it just doesn’t matter.

So you’re having a thought, “Ultimately, it just doesn’t matter.” It also seems like you’re having a thought like, “Because it ultimately doesn’t matter, that negates my value of connecting with other people, with treating them compassionately and kindly.” Am I right on that?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.###Input:I don’t know. My mind says it’s important to treat people this way, that it really matters. But what’s the point? They’re all just words, evaluations at that, and I’ve been noticing a lot lately how flimsy those kinds of words are. It looks like, ultimately, it just doesn’t matter.###Response:So you’re having a thought, “Ultimately, it just doesn’t matter.” It also seems like you’re having a thought like, “Because it ultimately doesn’t matter, that negates my value of connecting with other people, with treating them compassionately and kindly.” Am I right on that?

Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.

Yeah, that’s it. Sometimes it feels like it really matters, but then I realize it doesn’t.

Let me ask you something. I remember you telling me about a really good, heartfelt interaction you had with Carl, that administrative assistant where you work, somebody who gets overlooked and kind of treated one-­dimensionally. Can you tell me what that felt like again?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.###Input:Yeah, that’s it. Sometimes it feels like it really matters, but then I realize it doesn’t.###Response:Let me ask you something. I remember you telling me about a really good, heartfelt interaction you had with Carl, that administrative assistant where you work, somebody who gets overlooked and kind of treated one-­dimensionally. Can you tell me what that felt like again?

Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.

It felt really good. He’s a really nice guy, and it seemed to mean a lot to him that a coworker really took the time to get to know him and didn’t just put one more job on his plate. It meant something to me, too—­it made my day better to have a genuine, caring interaction like that.

So it sounds like your direct experience is telling you that it mattered a lot to you—­and to him, too, for that matter—­to treat him that way. You were doing something that’s important to you, something that just feels right to you. And when you think back to other times you’ve really connected with others, what was your direct experience then?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.###Input:It felt really good. He’s a really nice guy, and it seemed to mean a lot to him that a coworker really took the time to get to know him and didn’t just put one more job on his plate. It meant something to me, too—­it made my day better to have a genuine, caring interaction like that.###Response:So it sounds like your direct experience is telling you that it mattered a lot to you—­and to him, too, for that matter—­to treat him that way. You were doing something that’s important to you, something that just feels right to you. And when you think back to other times you’ve really connected with others, what was your direct experience then?

Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.

Pretty much the same. It almost always feels good. It’s important to me.

And notice how your mind has been trying to convince you that it’s somehow not “etched in stone” somewhere in the universe that it absolutely, truly matters to connect with others. That, because of that thought, it doesn’t matter at all. And what if that is all just talk, too? What’s more important, and what feels more concrete, more tangible—­what your mind says, or what you actually experience when you connect with others?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.###Input:Pretty much the same. It almost always feels good. It’s important to me.###Response:And notice how your mind has been trying to convince you that it’s somehow not “etched in stone” somewhere in the universe that it absolutely, truly matters to connect with others. That, because of that thought, it doesn’t matter at all. And what if that is all just talk, too? What’s more important, and what feels more concrete, more tangible—­what your mind says, or what you actually experience when you connect with others?

Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.

Well, those connections feel real. The good feelings that come out of them are real.

So it feels like connecting with others really does matter to you, that it’s worth doing, that it makes life better?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.###Input:Well, those connections feel real. The good feelings that come out of them are real.###Response:So it feels like connecting with others really does matter to you, that it’s worth doing, that it makes life better?

Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.

Yes, definitely.

If that’s the case, does it matter what your mind says?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Embedded throughout this dialogue are not only explicit references to a core client value and contrasts between the client’s mind and his direct experience, but also defusion prompts leveled at thoughts that doubt the absolute importance of his interpersonal connection value.###Input:Yes, definitely.###Response:If that’s the case, does it matter what your mind says?

Several aspects of this dialogue should be noted. First, it is hopefully apparent that the subtle defusion work demonstrated could occur alongside a number of other therapeutic agendas, including assessment and rapport-building. These “thought” and “mind” language conventions can be used with greater or lesser consistency, though less use would do less to help build a context of defusion within treatment that allows the client to more consistently see her thoughts simply as thoughts. Second, note how not all thoughts were labeled as such by the therapist. Problematic, evaluative thoughts were the prime candidates.

For the longest time, I’ve felt like I’m just different, like I just don’t belong.

So you’ve had this thought, “I just don’t belong,” for a long time. What other thoughts show up when you think you don’t belong?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Several aspects of this dialogue should be noted. First, it is hopefully apparent that the subtle defusion work demonstrated could occur alongside a number of other therapeutic agendas, including assessment and rapport-building. These “thought” and “mind” language conventions can be used with greater or lesser consistency, though less use would do less to help build a context of defusion within treatment that allows the client to more consistently see her thoughts simply as thoughts. Second, note how not all thoughts were labeled as such by the therapist. Problematic, evaluative thoughts were the prime candidates.###Input:For the longest time, I’ve felt like I’m just different, like I just don’t belong.###Response:So you’ve had this thought, “I just don’t belong,” for a long time. What other thoughts show up when you think you don’t belong?

Several aspects of this dialogue should be noted. First, it is hopefully apparent that the subtle defusion work demonstrated could occur alongside a number of other therapeutic agendas, including assessment and rapport-building. These “thought” and “mind” language conventions can be used with greater or lesser consistency, though less use would do less to help build a context of defusion within treatment that allows the client to more consistently see her thoughts simply as thoughts. Second, note how not all thoughts were labeled as such by the therapist. Problematic, evaluative thoughts were the prime candidates.

Well, I’m not interested in the things that my friends are interested in. I feel out of sync with them. Sometimes I worry there’s just something wrong with me.

Ouch—­that would be a tough thought to have: “There’s something wrong with me.” Can I ask, when that thought comes up, what other thoughts show up?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Several aspects of this dialogue should be noted. First, it is hopefully apparent that the subtle defusion work demonstrated could occur alongside a number of other therapeutic agendas, including assessment and rapport-building. These “thought” and “mind” language conventions can be used with greater or lesser consistency, though less use would do less to help build a context of defusion within treatment that allows the client to more consistently see her thoughts simply as thoughts. Second, note how not all thoughts were labeled as such by the therapist. Problematic, evaluative thoughts were the prime candidates.###Input:Well, I’m not interested in the things that my friends are interested in. I feel out of sync with them. Sometimes I worry there’s just something wrong with me.###Response:Ouch—­that would be a tough thought to have: “There’s something wrong with me.” Can I ask, when that thought comes up, what other thoughts show up?

Several aspects of this dialogue should be noted. First, it is hopefully apparent that the subtle defusion work demonstrated could occur alongside a number of other therapeutic agendas, including assessment and rapport-building. These “thought” and “mind” language conventions can be used with greater or lesser consistency, though less use would do less to help build a context of defusion within treatment that allows the client to more consistently see her thoughts simply as thoughts. Second, note how not all thoughts were labeled as such by the therapist. Problematic, evaluative thoughts were the prime candidates.

Just that, well, I feel really disconnected from people. I think it’s because I’m really awkward, I don’t know how to talk to people very well. I just feel like I’m an idiot sometimes.

Yeah, those are some more tough thoughts to have: “I’m an idiot,” “I’m really awkward.” As you think those thoughts, what feelings show up?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Several aspects of this dialogue should be noted. First, it is hopefully apparent that the subtle defusion work demonstrated could occur alongside a number of other therapeutic agendas, including assessment and rapport-building. These “thought” and “mind” language conventions can be used with greater or lesser consistency, though less use would do less to help build a context of defusion within treatment that allows the client to more consistently see her thoughts simply as thoughts. Second, note how not all thoughts were labeled as such by the therapist. Problematic, evaluative thoughts were the prime candidates.###Input:Just that, well, I feel really disconnected from people. I think it’s because I’m really awkward, I don’t know how to talk to people very well. I just feel like I’m an idiot sometimes.###Response:Yeah, those are some more tough thoughts to have: “I’m an idiot,” “I’m really awkward.” As you think those thoughts, what feelings show up?

Several aspects of this dialogue should be noted. First, it is hopefully apparent that the subtle defusion work demonstrated could occur alongside a number of other therapeutic agendas, including assessment and rapport-building. These “thought” and “mind” language conventions can be used with greater or lesser consistency, though less use would do less to help build a context of defusion within treatment that allows the client to more consistently see her thoughts simply as thoughts. Second, note how not all thoughts were labeled as such by the therapist. Problematic, evaluative thoughts were the prime candidates.

I actually feel kind of bad. Sad, really. Kind of ashamed.

Yeah. Even just talking about it makes those feelings come up. Are there other thoughts running through your mind right now?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Several aspects of this dialogue should be noted. First, it is hopefully apparent that the subtle defusion work demonstrated could occur alongside a number of other therapeutic agendas, including assessment and rapport-building. These “thought” and “mind” language conventions can be used with greater or lesser consistency, though less use would do less to help build a context of defusion within treatment that allows the client to more consistently see her thoughts simply as thoughts. Second, note how not all thoughts were labeled as such by the therapist. Problematic, evaluative thoughts were the prime candidates.###Input:I actually feel kind of bad. Sad, really. Kind of ashamed.###Response:Yeah. Even just talking about it makes those feelings come up. Are there other thoughts running through your mind right now?

This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.

No. I had to work really hard. I still get really angry and immediately suspect my wife, but I’ve learned not to follow through on that. I guess you could say I don’t act out on my anger.

Hmm. And before learning that your thoughts in those situations were suspect, how convinced were you that she had moved your stuff?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.###Input:No. I had to work really hard. I still get really angry and immediately suspect my wife, but I’ve learned not to follow through on that. I guess you could say I don’t act out on my anger.###Response:Hmm. And before learning that your thoughts in those situations were suspect, how convinced were you that she had moved your stuff?

This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.

Completely convinced. Not a doubt in my mind.

I’ve noticed my mind do the same thing—­be convinced that all the thoughts I’m having are true, only to find out later that, wait a minute, they were off. Are there other times when you’ve noticed that—when you’ve noticed that you were convinced about something and later learned it just wasn’t so?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.###Input:Completely convinced. Not a doubt in my mind.###Response:I’ve noticed my mind do the same thing—­be convinced that all the thoughts I’m having are true, only to find out later that, wait a minute, they were off. Are there other times when you’ve noticed that—when you’ve noticed that you were convinced about something and later learned it just wasn’t so?

This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.

Yeah, yeah, that happens sometimes.

Well, here’s the thing. Minds are pretty good at convincing us of things, especially when strong emotions are there. Like, when we’re really anxious, minds are pretty good at convincing us that our worst fears are going to come true. When we’re really angry, minds are pretty good at convincing us that our wives did something wrong.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.###Input:Yeah, yeah, that happens sometimes.###Response:Well, here’s the thing. Minds are pretty good at convincing us of things, especially when strong emotions are there. Like, when we’re really anxious, minds are pretty good at convincing us that our worst fears are going to come true. When we’re really angry, minds are pretty good at convincing us that our wives did something wrong.

This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.

You got that right.

I wonder if that happens a lot more often than we realize. I mean, what if we get so used to trusting what our minds say—­because they’re very convincing and shout pretty loud at us—­that we take most of our thoughts for granted, even when they don’t correspond completely to reality? I mean, what if our minds are taking us for a ride more often than we realize?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.###Input:You got that right.###Response:I wonder if that happens a lot more often than we realize. I mean, what if we get so used to trusting what our minds say—­because they’re very convincing and shout pretty loud at us—­that we take most of our thoughts for granted, even when they don’t correspond completely to reality? I mean, what if our minds are taking us for a ride more often than we realize?

This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.

I guess…I mean, I guess they could.

And I wonder. …You’ve described a number of situations in the past few weeks where you’ve gotten angry, and in some cases acted on that anger in a way that got you in trouble—­ got you fired from jobs, led to difficulties with the police. And I guess I kind of want to ask permission. You’ve had the experience of getting angry with your wife and noticing that your mind wasn’t telling the complete truth in those situations. You’ve had the experience that your mind has led you astray in other areas of your life. In coming sessions, would you be willing to look at some of the thoughts that show up when you get angry, in other situations, from this perspective—from this perspective of being suspicious about how absolutely true all of those thoughts are?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:This is one example of how an opportunity for defusion can be naturally initiated by a client. A similar exchange could readily be prompted by asking a client if he can recall a time when he believed something very strongly and then realized his belief was not true.###Input:I guess…I mean, I guess they could.###Response:And I wonder. …You’ve described a number of situations in the past few weeks where you’ve gotten angry, and in some cases acted on that anger in a way that got you in trouble—­got you fired from jobs, led to difficulties with the police. And I guess I kind of want to ask permission. You’ve had the experience of getting angry with your wife and noticing that your mind wasn’t telling the complete truth in those situations. You’ve had the experience that your mind has led you astray in other areas of your life. In coming sessions, would you be willing to look at some of the thoughts that show up when you get angry, in other situations, from this perspective—from this perspective of being suspicious about how absolutely true all of those thoughts are?

The exercise utilizes physical props—­in this case, a pair of safety goggles with yellow lenses, or a pair of “bug eye” goggles that produce multiple copies of whatever is being viewed.

Yes, it’s like when you think there’s a monster in the room and you get scared, but then you remember there are no monsters. You think you see him when the goggles are on, but you see that he might not be there when you take them off. It’s still scary, though.

Yes. You’re scared, but you realize that fear doesn’t have to push you around—­that even though you’re scared, it doesn’t mean something really, really bad has to happen. And sometimes your goggles are stuck on pretty tight. But you can remind yourself it’s just those goggles again making things appear a certain way. Then you can slow down and think about your next move.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The exercise utilizes physical props—­in this case, a pair of safety goggles with yellow lenses, or a pair of “bug eye” goggles that produce multiple copies of whatever is being viewed.###Input:Yes, it’s like when you think there’s a monster in the room and you get scared, but then you remember there are no monsters. You think you see him when the goggles are on, but you see that he might not be there when you take them off. It’s still scary, though.###Response:Yes. You’re scared, but you realize that fear doesn’t have to push you around—­that even though you’re scared, it doesn’t mean something really, really bad has to happen. And sometimes your goggles are stuck on pretty tight. But you can remind yourself it’s just those goggles again making things appear a certain way. Then you can slow down and think about your next move.

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

It’s just, I’m not good with people. I want to have friends, but I get so anxious. There’s just something wrong with me.

And that thought, “There’s just something wrong with me”—­what other thoughts show up along with that?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: It’s just, I’m not good with people. I want to have friends, but I get so anxious. There’s just something wrong with me.###Response:And that thought, “There’s just something wrong with me”—­what other thoughts show up along with that?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

I don’t know. I guess, I just say dumb things. I’m not interesting. I feel like I’m not worth getting to know. Man, I feel depressed, anxious just thinking about it.

That’s a lot to carry—­that anxiety, that sadness…those tough thoughts. And I know you’ve felt trapped by all this for a long time, haven’t you?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: I don’t know. I guess, I just say dumb things. I’m not interesting. I feel like I’m not worth getting to know. Man, I feel depressed, anxious just thinking about it.###Response:That’s a lot to carry—­that anxiety, that sadness…those tough thoughts. And I know you’ve felt trapped by all this for a long time, haven’t you?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

Yeah.

Sometimes with thoughts and feelings this tough, it can help to look at them from a little bit different angle. To pull those thoughts apart and see what’s underneath them. Would you be willing to give that a try?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: Yeah.###Response:Sometimes with thoughts and feelings this tough, it can help to look at them from a little bit different angle. To pull those thoughts apart and see what’s underneath them. Would you be willing to give that a try?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

I guess so. What do you have in mind?

Well, there are two different kinds of thoughts that we have, and when we mistake one kind for another, it can cause problems. I’d like to make a distinction between those two different kinds of thoughts—­descriptions and evaluations—­ and apply this distinction to the thoughts you’ve been struggling with. I’d like to make the distinction first with something pretty basic so I can make sure I’m explaining it clearly—­and then once it’s clear, we’ll look at your thoughts from the same perspective. Would that be okay—if we have a brief diversion, and then use that to take a new look at those old thoughts?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: I guess so. What do you have in mind?###Response:Well, there are two different kinds of thoughts that we have, and when we mistake one kind for another, it can cause problems. I’d like to make a distinction between those two different kinds of thoughts—­descriptions and evaluations—­ and apply this distinction to the thoughts you’ve been struggling with. I’d like to make the distinction first with something pretty basic so I can make sure I’m explaining it clearly—­and then once it’s clear, we’ll look at your thoughts from the same perspective. Would that be okay—if we have a brief diversion, and then use that to take a new look at those old thoughts?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

Okay.

Great. There are two types of thoughts—­descriptions and evaluations. Descriptive thoughts point out any aspect of something that you can perceive with one of your five senses. So if you can see it, smell it, touch it, taste it, or hear it, it’s a description. Anything else you can say about something or someone is an evaluation. With that in mind, could you giveme some descriptions of this table?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: Okay.###Response:Great. There are two types of thoughts—­descriptions and evaluations. Descriptive thoughts point out any aspect of something that you can perceive with one of your five senses. So if you can see it, smell it, touch it, taste it, or hear it, it’s a description. Anything else you can say about something or someone is an evaluation. With that in mind, could you giveme some descriptions of this table?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

Well, it’s made out of wood.

Yeah, definitely—­you can see that clearly with your eyes. What else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: Well, it’s made out of wood.###Response:Yeah, definitely—­you can see that clearly with your eyes. What else?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

It’s solid.

Yes. Yeah, you can feel how solid it is. What else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: It’s solid.###Response:Yes. Yeah, you can feel how solid it is. What else?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

It’s brown. It’s shaped like a rectangle.

Good, all things that you can see. And it has four legs—they look like some kind of metal. It’s got black plastic on the edges. All descriptions? All things that you can directly see?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: It’s brown. It’s shaped like a rectangle.###Response:Good, all things that you can see. And it has four legs—they look like some kind of metal. It’s got black plastic on the edges. All descriptions? All things that you can directly see?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

Yes.

And this may sound like an odd question now, but hopefully it will make more sense in a little bit. The “wood-­ness,” the “solidness,” the “rectangular-­ness” of this table—­are those part of the table just as it is, or are they something that our minds add to the table?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: Yes. ###Response:And this may sound like an odd question now, but hopefully it will make more sense in a little bit. The “wood-­ness,” the “solidness,” the “rectangular-­ness” of this table—­are those part of the table just as it is, or are they something that our minds add to the table?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

Uh, I don’t think I get it.

Would the wood, the solidness, the rectangular shape still be here even if we weren’t here to label it that way? Are they simply part of the table?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: Uh, I don’t think I get it. ###Response:Would the wood, the solidness, the rectangular shape still be here even if we weren’t here to label it that way? Are they simply part of the table?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

Yes, definitely.

Okay. Now let’s find some evaluations of this table. Remember, I told you evaluations are any way that you can talk about the table that isn’t just a simple description of its physical features. Can you evaluate this table for me?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: Yes, definitely.###Response:Okay. Now let’s find some evaluations of this table. Remember, I told you evaluations are any way that you can talk about the table that isn’t just a simple description of its physical features. Can you evaluate this table for me?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

Well, it’s a nice table.

Okay, good. It’s pretty. What else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: Well, it’s a nice table.###Response:Okay, good. It’s pretty. What else?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

It looks useful.

Good. And do you think somebody could come in and say, “It’s an ugly table,” or “It’s useless,” or “It’s a piece of junk,” or “It’s the best table ever”?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: It looks useful.###Response:Good. And do you think somebody could come in and say, “It’s an ugly table,” or “It’s useless,” or “It’s a piece of junk,” or “It’s the best table ever”?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

Yeah, I suppose somebody could. It’s like there’s a kind of subjective quality to it.

Yes, there is, isn’t there? Now let me ask you this. The “niceness,” the “ugliness,” the “usefulness,” the “uselessness”—­are those simply part of the table, or are they something that our minds add to the table?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input: My heart races. I get tense. I start to sweat.###Response:Yes, there is, isn’t there? Now let me ask you this. The “niceness,” the “ugliness,” the “usefulness,” the “uselessness”—­are those simply part of the table, or are they something that our minds add to the table?

the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.

I guess they are something our minds add to the table.

And “nice,” “ugly,” “useful,” “useless”—­are they as solid as “wood” or “hard”? Can you grab them in the same way that you can grab this table? Isn’t there something kind of airy, kind of fishy about those evaluations?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:the description-­evaluation technique is used to help distinguish between physically descriptive language that points to the client’s direct experience, and evaluative language that pretends to derive absolute truths about the implications of the experiences.###Input:I guess they are something our minds add to the table.###Response:And “nice,” “ugly,” “useful,” “useless”—­are they as solid as “wood” or “hard”? Can you grab them in the same way that you can grab this table? Isn’t there something kind of airy, kind of fishy about those evaluations?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

My heart races. I get tense. I start to sweat.

Good—­you can feel your heart beat faster, feel your muscles tighten up, feel yourself sweating. All descriptions. What else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input:My heart races. I get tense. I start to sweat.###Response:Good—­you can feel your heart beat faster, feel your muscles tighten up, feel yourself sweating. All descriptions. What else?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

Well, I get nauseated sometimes. And sometimes it gets so bad that I shake.

Okay. Now let me ask you: That muscle tension, that fast heartbeat, the sweating, the nausea—are those part of the anxiety, like properties of the anxiety, or are they something your mind adds to the anxiety?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input:Well, I get nauseated sometimes. And sometimes it gets so bad that I shake.###Response:Okay. Now let me ask you: That muscle tension, that fast heartbeat, the sweating, the nausea—are those part of the anxiety, like properties of the anxiety, or are they something your mind adds to the anxiety?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

They’re properties of the anxiety.

Now let’s look at some of the evaluations your mind throws out when you’re anxious. I think we already have a couple—­ “I’m not worth getting to know,” “I say dumb things.” “Dumb,” “unworthy”—­can you grab those in the same way that you can grab this table?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input:They’re properties of the anxiety.###Response:Now let’s look at some of the evaluations your mind throws out when you’re anxious. I think we already have a couple—­ “I’m not worth getting to know,” “I say dumb things.” “Dumb,” “unworthy”—­can you grab those in the same way that you can grab this table?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

No. They always seem pretty convincing, though.

Yeah, evaluations are pretty good at masquerading as descriptions when you’re upset. But as you sit there now and look at those words—­“dumb,” “unworthy”—are they solid like this?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input:No. They always seem pretty convincing, though.###Response:Yeah, evaluations are pretty good at masquerading as descriptions when you’re upset. But as you sit there now and look at those words—­“dumb,” “unworthy”—are they solid like this?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

No…I guess they’re really not.

And what other kinds of thoughts—­evaluations—­show up when you’re anxious?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input:No…I guess they’re really not.###Response:And what other kinds of thoughts—­evaluations—­show up when you’re anxious?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

There’s something wrong with me.

“Wrong”—­like “unacceptable”?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input: There’s something wrong with me.###Response:“Wrong”—­like “unacceptable”?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

Yeah, pretty much.

“Unacceptable.” Can you reach out and grab that?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input:Yeah, pretty much. ###Response:“Unacceptable.” Can you reach out and grab that?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

No, but I feel unacceptable.

Could you reach out and hit the table with your hand a few times? _x0007_Can you feel “unacceptable” in the same way that you can feel this table? Can you see “unacceptable” in full color, in three dimensions, in the same way you can see this table?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input: No, but I feel unacceptable. ###Response:Could you reach out and hit the table with your hand a few times? Can you feel “unacceptable” in the same way that you can feel this table? Can you see “unacceptable” in full color, in three dimensions, in the same way you can see this table?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

No. It’s a tough one, though.

Yeah. And let’s just take one last look. Does “unacceptable” have the same solidity as this?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input: No. It’s a tough one, though.###Response:Yeah. And let’s just take one last look. Does “unacceptable” have the same solidity as this?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

Well, uh, no.

So what if that’s all thoughts are, especially the evaluations? They’re convincing, especially when you’re upset, but in the end, isn’t there this airy quality to them? They just don’t carry the weight they pretend to. …How does all this hit you?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input: Well, uh, no.###Response:So what if that’s all thoughts are, especially the evaluations? They’re convincing, especially when you’re upset, but in the end, isn’t there this airy quality to them? They just don’t carry the weight they pretend to. …How does all this hit you?

Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.

It feels like it makes sense. I’m not sure I can hold on to that perspective, though.

Right. It takes practice, and your mind will work hard to convince you all those evaluations are true. But we’ll practice over the coming sessions, as long as it’s helpful.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Once the client has seen the distinction between evaluative and descriptive language with respect to an emotionally neutral object, a similar process can be repeated with thoughts surrounding an emotion the client is currently experiencing.###Input: It feels like it makes sense. I’m not sure I can hold on to that perspective, though.###Response:Right. It takes practice, and your mind will work hard to convince you all those evaluations are true. But we’ll practice over the coming sessions, as long as it’s helpful.