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The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

I just feel so inadequate around people…just not good enough.

And that thought, “I’m just not good enough”—­how long have you had that thought, and that feeling of inadequacy?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:I just feel so inadequate around people…just not good enough.###Response:And that thought, “I’m just not good enough”—­how long have you had that thought, and that feeling of inadequacy?

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

A long time, I think. Since I was a kid.

Can you remember one of the first times you felt that way, and believed you weren’t good enough?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input: A long time, I think. Since I was a kid.###Response:Can you remember one of the first times you felt that way, and believed you weren’t good enough?

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

I remember trying to help my dad restore a cabinet, when I was, I don’t know, seven or eight. You know how eager you are to please grown-­ups when you’re a kid. But I kept messing things up, no matter how hard I tried. I remember my dad getting really frustrated, and I remember him saying, “You can’t do this. Just go and play or something.”

“You can’t do this.” And that message—­“You can’t do this,” “You’re not good enough”—­did you get that from your dad, and from others, at other times?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:I remember trying to help my dad restore a cabinet, when I was, I don’t know, seven or eight. You know how eager you are to please grown-­ups when you’re a kid. But I kept messing things up, no matter how hard I tried. I remember my dad getting really frustrated, and I remember him saying, “You can’t do this. Just go and play or something.” ###Response:“You can’t do this.” And that message—­“You can’t do this,” “You’re not good enough”—­did you get that from your dad, and from others, at other times?

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Yes. Not all the time, but I felt like I got that vibe from a lot of people.

Well, what if it’s like this. Our minds are kind of like computers, computers that get “programmed” by our experiences. So you had that experience with your dad, and it was like he kind of typed in, regardless of whether or not he meant to, “You can’t do this,” “You’re not good enough.” And he programmed in that feeling of inadequacy. Then you had other experiences. Maybe a kid teasing you at school, or getting a bad grade on a test—­and those experiences typed in, “You’re not good enough.” And the way this computer—­the way your mind—­works is that, when you’re in circumstances that appear similar to those where that programming was typed in, your mind just automatically spits out those thoughts, that feeling.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Yes. Not all the time, but I felt like I got that vibe from a lot of people.###Response:Well, what if it’s like this. Our minds are kind of like computers, computers that get “programmed” by our experiences. So you had that experience with your dad, and it was like he kind of typed in, regardless of whether or not he meant to, “You can’t do this,” “You’re not good enough.” And he programmed in that feeling of inadequacy. Then you had other experiences. Maybe a kid teasing you at school, or getting a bad grade on a test—­and those experiences typed in, “You’re not good enough.” And the way this computer—­the way your mind—­works is that, when you’re in circumstances that appear similar to those where that programming was typed in, your mind just automatically spits out those thoughts, that feeling.

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

I mean, yeah, it does feel automatic. It makes sense that my experiences would do that to me—­sort of write a program that makes those thoughts come out under the right circumstances. But how do I stop it from doing that?

Well, that’s the thing. What if once it’s programmed, it’s programmed? You can add new programming—­maybe thoughts like, “No, I’m a good person,” and maybe next time that thought will come up after “I’m not good enough” comes up. But in your experience, does that second bit of programming make “I’m not good enough” go away?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:I mean, yeah, it does feel automatic. It makes sense that my experiences would do that to me—­sort of write a program that makes those thoughts come out under the right circumstances. But how do I stop it from doing that?###Response:Well, that’s the thing. What if once it’s programmed, it’s programmed? You can add new programming—­maybe thoughts like, “No, I’m a good person,” and maybe next time that thought will come up after “I’m not good enough” comes up. But in your experience, does that second bit of programming make “I’m not good enough” go away?

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

No.

Yeah, and the more you try to delete “I’m not good enough,” the more new thoughts, new programming, get added. And your mind spits those out, and you don’t believe the positive ones. But those negative ones…

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:No.###Response:Yeah, and the more you try to delete “I’m not good enough,” the more new thoughts, new programming, get added. And your mind spits those out, and you don’t believe the positive ones. But those negative ones…

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Yeah, I believe those.

So we’re stuck with the programming. But what if it’s like this: I bet you’ve had a number of those “I’m not good enough” situations where “I’m not good enough” isn’t even really true. Like, you know the kinds of things kids tease each other about, the kinds of names they call each other. Stupid things. Inaccurate things. Unfair things. Do you remember being teased about things that, in retrospect, seemed arbitrary, or unfair?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Yeah, I believe those.###Response:So we’re stuck with the programming. But what if it’s like this: I bet you’ve had a number of those “I’m not good enough” situations where “I’m not good enough” isn’t even really true. Like, you know the kinds of things kids tease each other about, the kinds of names they call each other. Stupid things. Inaccurate things. Unfair things. Do you remember being teased about things that, in retrospect, seemed arbitrary, or unfair?

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Yeah, I’m sure I have. Like you said, a lot of things kids tease each other about are just stupid, unfair.

Even that situation with your dad. You were seven, trying to refinish a cabinet. That’s hard for a seven-­year-­old kid. In an alternate reality, maybe “I can’t do this yet, but I can learn how to do it” might have been programmed in.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Yeah, I’m sure I have. Like you said, a lot of things kids tease each other about are just stupid, unfair.###Response:Even that situation with your dad. You were seven, trying to refinish a cabinet. That’s hard for a seven-­year-­old kid. In an alternate reality, maybe “I can’t do this yet, but I can learn how to do it” might have been programmed in.

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

I wish it had been.

Yeah. But do you see what I mean? A lot of our programming can be arbitrary, or unfair, or inaccurate, or not capture the big picture. And our mind still spits that programming out in similar situations. We can’t delete that programming, and we have to listen to it and feel it when it comes out, but we can notice that that programming isn’t the final arbiter of what is so.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:I wish it had been.###Response:Yeah. But do you see what I mean? A lot of our programming can be arbitrary, or unfair, or inaccurate, or not capture the big picture. And our mind still spits that programming out in similar situations. We can’t delete that programming, and we have to listen to it and feel it when it comes out, but we can notice that that programming isn’t the final arbiter of what is so.

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

It sure is convincing, though.

Yes. Those thoughts, those feelings, have been programmed into you a lot of times. Makes it feel real, comprehensive, definitive. But what if a lot of it is arbitrary, or inaccurate, or unfair, or doesn’t capture the big picture?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:It sure is convincing, though.###Response:Yes. Those thoughts, those feelings, have been programmed into you a lot of times. Makes it feel real, comprehensive, definitive. But what if a lot of it is arbitrary, or inaccurate, or unfair, or doesn’t capture the big picture?

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Maybe. But it just seems so true, and it feels like it’s always with me—­just this sense of not being good enough.

Yeah, it feels like it’s always there, like it consumes you. Can we try to look at this piece of programming from a slightly different perspective? Would it be okay if I type that thought, “I’m not good enough,” on my laptop there, so we could view it a few different ways?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Maybe. But it just seems so true, and it feels like it’s always with me—­just this sense of not being good enough.###Response:Yeah, it feels like it’s always there, like it consumes you. Can we try to look at this piece of programming from a slightly different perspective? Would it be okay if I type that thought, “I’m not good enough,” on my laptop there, so we could view it a few different ways?

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Uh, I guess, if you think it might help.

If you’re willing, I’d like you to sit down in this chair and put your face really close to the screen, so that you can read that whole sentence but it’s pretty much all that you can see.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Uh, I guess, if you think it might help.###Response:If you’re willing, I’d like you to sit down in this chair and put your face really close to the screen, so that you can read that whole sentence but it’s pretty much all that you can see.

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Well, it feels bad to have it front and center like that. I’m thinking, “What’s the point?” and remembering some of the dumb things I’ve done.

Yeah, the programming that goes along with that “I’m not good enough.” Why don’t you go ahead and type in “What’s the point?” here as well. And maybe a specific thought about a “dumb” thing you did in the past, just to put those pieces of programming front and center.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Well, it feels bad to have it front and center like that. I’m thinking, “What’s the point?” and remembering some of the dumb things I’ve done.###Response:Yeah, the programming that goes along with that “I’m not good enough.” Why don’t you go ahead and type in “What’s the point?” here as well. And maybe a specific thought about a “dumb” thing you did in the past, just to put those pieces of programming front and center.

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Okay.

Good. If you’re willing, go ahead and move in close to the screen again so that pretty much all you’re seeing is those thoughts. Notice what shows up for you when they’re front and center.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Okay.###Response:Good. If you’re willing, go ahead and move in close to the screen again so that pretty much all you’re seeing is those thoughts. Notice what shows up for you when they’re front and center.

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Just…wow. More bad memories. More times when I messed things up. More times when I let people down.

Yeah. And you can remember back to when all that programming was typed into your “computer.” points to his own head.] And you can imagine all those harsh, uncompromising, self-­critical thoughts being programmed in back then as well. And when circumstances force that programming to pop up again and it’s up close like that, it’s like that’s all there is. It’s like that’s how it is. Even if they weren’t fair, or were just partially accurate, they feel like they completely and totally define you.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Just…wow. More bad memories. More times when I messed things up. More times when I let people down.###Response:Yeah. And you can remember back to when all that programming was typed into your “computer.” points to his own head.] And you can imagine all those harsh, uncompromising, self-­critical thoughts being programmed in back then as well. And when circumstances force that programming to pop up again and it’s up close like that, it’s like that’s all there is. It’s like that’s how it is. Even if they weren’t fair, or were just partially accurate, they feel like they completely and totally define you.

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

I guess I don’t always feel like that. But when I start thinking of those things, that’s pretty much how it feels.

Okay. Now, I’d like you to lean back in your chair and look at those thoughts, that programming, typed into your computer from a distance. Just take a look at the words and letters that make up those thoughts, and tell me what you can see. Not just the programming, but everything else you can see as you look toward that screen.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:I guess I don’t always feel like that. But when I start thinking of those things, that’s pretty much how it feels.###Response:Okay. Now, I’d like you to lean back in your chair and look at those thoughts, that programming, typed into your computer from a distance. Just take a look at the words and letters that make up those thoughts, and tell me what you can see. Not just the programming, but everything else you can see as you look toward that screen.

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Well, the computer. Your desk…the books and the bookshelves on the wall. That picture.

As far as what’s showing up for you now—­what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling, what you’re remembering—­ are there any differences between now and when your face was right up close to the screen?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Well, the computer. Your desk…the books and the bookshelves on the wall. That picture.###Response:As far as what’s showing up for you now—­what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling, what you’re remembering—­ are there any differences between now and when your face was right up close to the screen?

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

It’s not as intense. I was thinking and noticing different things the second time. When I was up close, it really kind of did feel like that was all there was to me.

And when you backed up, there was more to it than that?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:It’s not as intense. I was thinking and noticing different things the second time. When I was up close, it really kind of did feel like that was all there was to me.###Response:And when you backed up, there was more to it than that?

The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.

Yes. It’s like those thoughts, those memories, are my whole world when I’m so focused on them. I forget there’s more to it. Maybe I take them too seriously.

That’s what that computer—­what your mind—­does. It sucks you into that narrative. Makes you believe it’s the Gospel, when really it’s just some subjective opinions, partial perspectives, and so on that were programmed into it. If you back up from it, and notice those thoughts as thoughts, asprogramming, they have less of a hold over you. They don’t define you.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The computer metaphor has some additional facets to it as well. Likening herself to a computer and her thoughts to programming creates some distance between the client and her thoughts.###Input:Yes. It’s like those thoughts, those memories, are my whole world when I’m so focused on them. I forget there’s more to it. Maybe I take them too seriously.###Response:That’s what that computer—­what your mind—­does. It sucks you into that narrative. Makes you believe it’s the Gospel, when really it’s just some subjective opinions, partial perspectives, and so on that were programmed into it. If you back up from it, and notice those thoughts as thoughts, asprogramming, they have less of a hold over you. They don’t define you.

Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.

It’s like those thoughts, those memories, are my whole world when I’m so focused on them.

Let’s see if we can look at those thoughts and feelings you’ve been struggling with from a little different perspective. Imagine life is like driving a bus. At first, you enjoy it quite a bit. You drive around wherever you want to go, taking whatever turns you want to take. And then things start happening. You start making stops, at those points in your life where important things are happening, and take on passengers. Some of those passengers are those happy thoughts and feelings that you have—­“I have a good wife,” “I love my children,” “I’ve got a decent job.” Other passengers aren’t so pretty. At one of those stops, “I’m a fraud” climbs on, and “Shame,” and “Self-­doubt,” and “Anxiety.” Those guys are ugly, scary, and intimidating.And they’re on your bus.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.###Input:It’s like those thoughts, those memories, are my whole world when I’m so focused on them.###Response:Let’s see if we can look at those thoughts and feelings you’ve been struggling with from a little different perspective. Imagine life is like driving a bus. At first, you enjoy it quite a bit. You drive around wherever you want to go, taking whatever turns you want to take. And then things start happening. You start making stops, at those points in your life where important things are happening, and take on passengers. Some of those passengers are those happy thoughts and feelings that you have—­“I have a good wife,” “I love my children,” “I’ve got a decent job.” Other passengers aren’t so pretty. At one of those stops, “I’m a fraud” climbs on, and “Shame,” and “Self-­doubt,” and “Anxiety.” Those guys are ugly, scary, and intimidating.And they’re on your bus.

Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.

I would really, really like to kick them off.

And my guess is you’ve tried that, many times. How has it worked?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.###Input:I would really, really like to kick them off.###Response:And my guess is you’ve tried that, many times. How has it worked?

Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.

It hasn’t really. Sometimes they get off, but sooner or later they’re right back on.

Yeah. And these guys, they start to dictate where you can go, what you can do—­which way you can drive. For example, you might get the idea to start a new, challenging project at work, but then “Self-­doubt” and “I’ll fail” and “Fear” start yelling at you from the back of the bus to stop, or else. What would you typically do at that point?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.###Input:It hasn’t really. Sometimes they get off, but sooner or later they’re right back on.###Response:Yeah. And these guys, they start to dictate where you can go, what you can do—­which way you can drive. For example, you might get the idea to start a new, challenging project at work, but then “Self-­doubt” and “I’ll fail” and “Fear” start yelling at you from the back of the bus to stop, or else. What would you typically do at that point?

Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.

I probably just don’t start the project.

Yeah—­those passengers are so scary and threatening that you stop the bus so that they won’t come up and follow through on their threats. This may sound like an odd question, but exactly how do they threaten you? What does it seem like they’ll do if they get all the way up to the front of the bus, right in your face?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.###Input:I probably just don’t start the project.###Response:Yeah—­those passengers are so scary and threatening that you stop the bus so that they won’t come up and follow through on their threats. This may sound like an odd question, but exactly how do they threaten you? What does it seem like they’ll do if they get all the way up to the front of the bus, right in your face?

Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.

Well, they’re just so overwhelming. They’re too much to bear.

Overwhelming—­kind of like they would consume you if you let them get all the way to the front?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.###Input:Well, they’re just so overwhelming. They’re too much to bear.###Response:Overwhelming—­kind of like they would consume you if you let them get all the way to the front?

Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.

Yes

And let me ask you—has there ever been a time when you let them come all the way up to the front and stay as long as they want, do whatever they want to do?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.###Input:Yes###Response:And let me ask you—has there ever been a time when you let them come all the way up to the front and stay as long as they want, do whatever they want to do?

Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.

No…I mean, there have been times when they weren’t that strong and I was able to follow through with what I wanted to do. But when the fear and the self-­doubt are strong, I do whatever I can to keep them at bay.

So—correct me if I’m wrong here—it sounds like you’ve never had a chance to find out what happens when those really tough-looking passengers get all the way to the front of the bus.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.###Input:No…I mean, there have been times when they weren’t that strong and I was able to follow through with what I wanted to do. But when the fear and the self-­doubt are strong, I do whatever I can to keep them at bay.###Response:So—correct me if I’m wrong here—it sounds like you’ve never had a chance to find out what happens when those really tough-looking passengers get all the way to the front of the bus.

Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.

I guess not.

And I’m with you. They’re very scary and very intimidating. It feels like if they got there, they’d beat you up badly, overwhelm you, consume you. I know that feeling. But what if all those passengers—­those thoughts and feelings—­can do when they get to the front is make you look at them, Mmke you hear the thoughts and the threats and feel the feelings?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.###Input:I guess not.###Response:And I’m with you. They’re very scary and very intimidating. It feels like if they got there, they’d beat you up badly, overwhelm you, consume you. I know that feeling. But what if all those passengers—­those thoughts and feelings—­can do when they get to the front is make you look at them, Mmke you hear the thoughts and the threats and feel the feelings?

Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.

But is that what it’s like?

In my experience, yeah. With tough thoughts and feelings, it’s tough—­it’s painful. But wouldn’t it be worth it to risk experiencing that if it meant that you could take back control of the wheel, and do the things you really want to be doing in your life?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Another classic defusion metaphor likens distressing thoughts and feelings to unwanted passengers on a bus the client is driving. The metaphor incorporates several key processes central to ACT, such as values-­driven action and acceptance of difficult emotions.###Input:But is that what it’s like?###Response:In my experience, yeah. With tough thoughts and feelings, it’s tough—­it’s painful. But wouldn’t it be worth it to risk experiencing that if it meant that you could take back control of the wheel, and do the things you really want to be doing in your life?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

About my keychain? Uh. …Well, I couldn’t drive my car without it.

What else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input: About my keychain? Uh. …Well, I couldn’t drive my car without it.###Response:What else?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

I couldn’t go home—­unlock my apartment. My office key is on there, too, so I couldn’t go to work—­which wouldn’t be bad.

Good. I’m with you on that one! I’m not happy about going to work some days either. Why do you go to work, then?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:I couldn’t go home—­unlock my apartment. My office key is on there, too, so I couldn’t go to work—­which wouldn’t be bad. ###Response:Good. I’m with you on that one! I’m not happy about going to work some days either. Why do you go to work, then?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

Well, money, of course.

For what?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:Well, money, of course.###Response:For what?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

To live—­pay for my rent, for my kids’ clothes and stuff.

Including things like presents, nice things for your family.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input: To live—­pay for my rent, for my kids’ clothes and stuff.###Response:Including things like presents, nice things for your family.

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

Yes

And why do you do that?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:Yes###Response:And why do you do that?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

Well, I love them.

Yeah, we’ve talked a bit about that. About how important it is to you to provide for them, take care of them, let them have the kind of childhood and parents that you didn’t get to have. Let me ask you this: Those days that you go to work, and you really don’t want to, what do you feel like? What kinds of things do you think?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:Well, I love them.###Response:Yeah, we’ve talked a bit about that. About how important it is to you to provide for them, take care of them, let them have the kind of childhood and parents that you didn’t get to have. Let me ask you this: Those days that you go to work, and you really don’t want to, what do you feel like? What kinds of things do you think?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

I just feel…burdened, harried. I wish I could call in sick. I think, “Here we go again—­another long week doing stuff that I hate.”

And yet you still go. Well, let’s look at this a bit differently. Which one is your office key? This one? This represents your values with respect to Ava and Emma. [Best to use her children’s actual names to emphasize the personal elements of the value.] This key opens that door. I know you don’t normally equate your office with your love for your children, but it sounds like that’s why you go to work every day. Am I right?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:I just feel…burdened, harried. I wish I could call in sick. I think, “Here we go again—­another long week doing stuff that I hate.”###Response:And yet you still go. Well, let’s look at this a bit differently. Which one is your office key? This one? This represents your values with respect to Ava and Emma. [Best to use her children’s actual names to emphasize the personal elements of the value.] This key opens that door. I know you don’t normally equate your office with your love for your children, but it sounds like that’s why you go to work every day. Am I right?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

Yes. I almost don’t want to connect my kids to work, but that’s mainly why I do it.

Yeah. And these other keys are the feelings and thoughts that show up when you think about going to work. This one’s “Burdened.” This one here is “Harried.” This one is “I want to call in sick.” This one is “Another day doing what I hate.” Would you be willing to take your keys back at this point and just hold on to them and look at them?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:Yes. I almost don’t want to connect my kids to work, but that’s mainly why I do it.###Response:Yeah. And these other keys are the feelings and thoughts that show up when you think about going to work. This one’s “Burdened.” This one here is “Harried.” This one is “I want to call in sick.” This one is “Another day doing what I hate.” Would you be willing to take your keys back at this point and just hold on to them and look at them?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

At this point, I’m not sure. I’ve never thought of my keys like that before.

I hear you. There’s stuff here that you don’t want to have. And yet it sounds like, almost every weekday, you take these feelings and thoughts to work with you, because of this: because of your love for your kids, because of what you want to provide for them. [Keeps holding on to office key and offers key ring again to client.] Would you be willing to take it by this key, and then we can take a look at the other keys?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:At this point, I’m not sure. I’ve never thought of my keys like that before.###Response:I hear you. There’s stuff here that you don’t want to have. And yet it sounds like, almost every weekday, you take these feelings and thoughts to work with you, because of this: because of your love for your kids, because of what you want to provide for them. [Keeps holding on to office key and offers key ring again to client.] Would you be willing to take it by this key, and then we can take a look at the other keys?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

Okay

And let’s look at those other keys again. Show me “Burdened”…“Harried”…“Another long day at a job I hate”…“I wish I could call in sick.” If it means that you get to provide some of those things, those experiences, that you really want for Ava and Emma, would you be willing to carry those keys—­those thoughts and feelings—­with you? Because you could leave that whole key ring behind if you wanted to.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:Okay###Response:And let’s look at those other keys again. Show me “Burdened”…“Harried”…“Another long day at a job I hate”…“I wish I could call in sick.” If it means that you get to provide some of those things, those experiences, that you really want for Ava and Emma, would you be willing to carry those keys—­those thoughts and feelings—­with you? Because you could leave that whole key ring behind if you wanted to.

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

Okay, I see what you mean. I could stop going to work because I hate it, but then that would mean I couldn’t provide a lot of things I want to provide for Ava and Emma.

Right. And if you’re willing to carry all the keys on that ring, it means that you get that key that opens up those opportunities.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:Okay, I see what you mean. I could stop going to work because I hate it, but then that would mean I couldn’t provide a lot of things I want to provide for Ava and Emma.###Response:Right. And if you’re willing to carry all the keys on that ring, it means that you get that key that opens up those opportunities.

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

Hmm. I go to work most of the time anyway, but I’ve never thought about it like this before. Yes, of course I’m willing to carry it.

Good. Now let’s extend this a bit. I know you’ve mentioned that it’s also very important to you that you’re kind and loving, toward your children. That you really connect with them, rather than just detaching. What kinds of thoughts and feelings get in the way of you doing those things consistently?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:Hmm. I go to work most of the time anyway, but I’ve never thought about it like this before. Yes, of course I’m willing to carry it.###Response:Good. Now let’s extend this a bit. I know you’ve mentioned that it’s also very important to you that you’re kind and loving, toward your children. That you really connect with them, rather than just detaching. What kinds of thoughts and feelings get in the way of you doing those things consistently?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

Well, feeling tired—­burned out from work. Sometimes I just want to tune out at home and I get frustrated or annoyed with their questions, with things that they’re doing. And I think, “I just need a break.”

Okay, so we’ve got that values key again—­that one that corresponds to loving, supporting, and connecting with your children. Can you show that one to me? Cool. And let’s label the other keys. That next one…that’s “Feeling burned out.” The next one—­“Feeling tired.” And that one is “Frustration.” And that one—­“I just need a break.” Would you be willing to carry those with you if it meant that you could really connect with Ava and Emma, really be there for them?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:Well, feeling tired—­burned out from work. Sometimes I just want to tune out at home and I get frustrated or annoyed with their questions, with things that they’re doing. And I think, “I just need a break.”###Response:Okay, so we’ve got that values key again—­that one that corresponds to loving, supporting, and connecting with your children. Can you show that one to me? Cool. And let’s label the other keys. That next one…that’s “Feeling burned out.” The next one—­“Feeling tired.” And that one is “Frustration.” And that one—­“I just need a break.” Would you be willing to carry those with you if it meant that you could really connect with Ava and Emma, really be there for them?

Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.

I don’t know if I could do it all the time, but I could do it more.

Good, yes. We’re not talking all the time here. Just as a moment-­to-­moment choice, could you carry those thoughts and feelings—­those keys—­with you and still open the door to that connection, rather than those other keys preventing that from happening?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Carry Your Keys metaphor, defusion, acceptance, values, and self-­as-­context are combined to illustrate how it can often be necessary to experience distressing thoughts and feelings while acting in accordance with your values.###Input:I don’t know if I could do it all the time, but I could do it more.###Response:Good, yes. We’re not talking all the time here. Just as a moment-­to-­moment choice, could you carry those thoughts and feelings—­those keys—­with you and still open the door to that connection, rather than those other keys preventing that from happening?

The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.

Who is my favorite fiction authors!

The mind works kind of like a master author or storyteller might. It starts off telling a story that looks like nonfiction. It starts by reporting the facts, setting the scene. And then, even though those facts could form the basis for any number of different stories, it starts to weave them together into one specific narrative. And seamlessly, embellishments and interpretations start getting thrown in alongside the facts. Eventually, the story becomes so compelling that you can’t imagine it being a different story. It becomes so engrossing that it seems absolutely true. We’ll use an example. Who is one of your favorite fiction authors?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.###Input:Who is my favorite fiction authors!###Response:The mind works kind of like a master author or storyteller might. It starts off telling a story that looks like nonfiction. It starts by reporting the facts, setting the scene. And then, even though those facts could form the basis for any number of different stories, it starts to weave them together into one specific narrative. And seamlessly, embellishments and interpretations start getting thrown in alongside the facts. Eventually, the story becomes so compelling that you can’t imagine it being a different story. It becomes so engrossing that it seems absolutely true. We’ll use an example. Who is one of your favorite fiction authors?

The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.

Uh…well, I really like Hemingway. The Sun Also Rises, The Old Man and the Sea.

Okay. And what do you like best about Hemingway?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.###Input:Uh…well, I really like Hemingway. The Sun Also Rises, The Old Man and the Sea.###Response:Okay. And what do you like best about Hemingway?

The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.

Well, to borrow your phrase, he’s really good at setting a scene. Like a reporter—­he has a really sparse writing style, but you know where they are, what the characters are like.

And the human element of his books—­do you feel for the characters? Do they feel like real-life situations?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.###Input:Well, to borrow your phrase, he’s really good at setting a scene. Like a reporter—­he has a really sparse writing style, but you know where they are, what the characters are like.###Response:And the human element of his books—­do you feel for the characters? Do they feel like real-life situations?

The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.

Some more than others. I really got drawn in by the guy in The Old Man and the Sea.

I remember that book—not being able to put it down, worrying about him, really hoping he’d make it first of all, and then hoping he’d bring that big fish in.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.###Input:Some more than others. I really got drawn in by the guy in The Old Man and the Sea.###Response:I remember that book—not being able to put it down, worrying about him, really hoping he’d make it first of all, and then hoping he’d bring that big fish in.

The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.

Yeah—­me, too. It was great.

And it was like it was real, right? I mean, you step away from it and at some point you remember it’s fiction. But it’s so human, so realistically dramatic—­you’re so aware that something exactly like this really could happen.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.###Input:Yeah—­me, too. It was great.###Response:And it was like it was real, right? I mean, you step away from it and at some point you remember it’s fiction. But it’s so human, so realistically dramatic—­you’re so aware that something exactly like this really could happen.

The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.

Yeah, I almost do forget sometimes that his books are fiction.

And what if our minds work like that? We survey the situation we’re in, set the scene. And then our minds start weaving that narrative, filling in the gaps, sometimes creating motivations for other characters in our lives. Piling interpretations and judgments of the main character [nods to client] and the other characters on top of that. Creating a story so compelling that it’s not just a story, it’s the story—the account of what actually happened, with no errors or omissions.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.###Input:Yeah, I almost do forget sometimes that his books are fiction.###Response:And what if our minds work like that? We survey the situation we’re in, set the scene. And then our minds start weaving that narrative, filling in the gaps, sometimes creating motivations for other characters in our lives. Piling interpretations and judgments of the main character [nods to client] and the other characters on top of that. Creating a story so compelling that it’s not just a story, it’s the story—the account of what actually happened, with no errors or omissions.

The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.

I guess I can see that. I know sometimes I look back on things I’ve told myself—­or, I guess, that my mind has told me—­that seem kind of dramatic. But it doesn’t feel that way in the moment, like when I’m really focused on something that really bothers me.

And that’s the trick of a good novelist, right? Knowing how to hook you so well that you don’t even question the truth of what’s written on that page. And your mind knows you very, very well. It knows what hooks you, the story lines and the judgments that grab hold of you, better than anyone. It’s like the ultimate, personalized novelist. It knows how to write a book that is very hard for you to put down.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.###Input:I guess I can see that. I know sometimes I look back on things I’ve told myself—­or, I guess, that my mind has told me—­that seem kind of dramatic. But it doesn’t feel that way in the moment, like when I’m really focused on something that really bothers me.###Response:And that’s the trick of a good novelist, right? Knowing how to hook you so well that you don’t even question the truth of what’s written on that page. And your mind knows you very, very well. It knows what hooks you, the story lines and the judgments that grab hold of you, better than anyone. It’s like the ultimate, personalized novelist. It knows how to write a book that is very hard for you to put down.

The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.

Very hard. In fact, in the moment, how do I put it down?

I think you already took the first step: acknowledging that not everything your mind says is true. From there, we’ll do a number of things in therapy from here on out to help you put that book down when you need to.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The Master Storyteller metaphor likens the mind to a masterful and creative storyteller. As with most great storytellers, the mind begins its story as nonfiction, but quickly embellishes and creates a compelling story that never really happened—­at least not precisely the way it was told.###Input:Very hard. In fact, in the moment, how do I put it down?###Response:I think you already took the first step: acknowledging that not everything your mind says is true. From there, we’ll do a number of things in therapy from here on out to help you put that book down when you need to.

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

I just worry about everything. I worry about my kids getting hurt, worry about my job, about keeping my head above water, about whether or not I’ll get any sleep at night.

It’s like the worry is almost always there. Can I ask what kinds of thoughts show up when you’re worried? Like when you’re worried about your kids getting hurt, for example.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:I just worry about everything. I worry about my kids getting hurt, worry about my job, about keeping my head above water, about whether or not I’ll get any sleep at night.###Response:It’s like the worry is almost always there. Can I ask what kinds of thoughts show up when you’re worried? Like when you’re worried about your kids getting hurt, for example.

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Well, I think, what if their bus crashed on the way to school or the way back? What if a bully is beating one of them up right now? What if they start using drugs, or drinking? What if they get hurt playing?

Okay. Am I right in guessing that at those times, those thoughts are front and center? That it’s hard to think about anything else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Well, I think, what if their bus crashed on the way to school or the way back? What if a bully is beating one of them up right now? What if they start using drugs, or drinking? What if they get hurt playing?###Response:Okay. Am I right in guessing that at those times, those thoughts are front and center? That it’s hard to think about anything else?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Yes. That happens regardless of what I’m worrying about at a given moment. It’s hard to think about anything else.

Well, let’s try something. Go ahead and hold your hand out in front of you. Just to get a glimpse into what this process looks like, let’s label each of your fingers, one by one, with those thoughts. So, your thumb, that’s “What if the bus crashed?” Your pointer finger—­“What if a bully is beating them up?” Next finger—­“What if they start using drugs?” Next one—­“What if they get hurt playing?” And I imagine there are a number of other worrisome thoughts that could fill up both of your hands, right?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Yes. That happens regardless of what I’m worrying about at a given moment. It’s hard to think about anything else.###Response:Well, let’s try something. Go ahead and hold your hand out in front of you. Just to get a glimpse into what this process looks like, let’s label each of your fingers, one by one, with those thoughts. So, your thumb, that’s “What if the bus crashed?” Your pointer finger—­“What if a bully is beating them up?” Next finger—­“What if they start using drugs?” Next one—­“What if they get hurt playing?” And I imagine there are a number of other worrisome thoughts that could fill up both of your hands, right?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Definitely.

Now, I’d like you to put your hands together, palms up, side by side, fingers close together. And orient again toward those thoughts you labeled your fingers with. …Now put your hands right in front of your eyes, so they’re almost touching your face. What do you see?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Definitely.###Response:Now, I’d like you to put your hands together, palms up, side by side, fingers close together. And orient again toward those thoughts you labeled your fingers with. …Now put your hands right in front of your eyes, so they’re almost touching your face. What do you see?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Just part of my fingers and my hands. I can see off to the sides a little bit, but not much.

And those thoughts that you labeled your fingers with…is this what it’s like when you’re focused on thoughts like that? Like those thoughts are pretty much your world, like you can’t see or think about anything else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Just part of my fingers and my hands. I can see off to the sides a little bit, but not much.###Response:And those thoughts that you labeled your fingers with…is this what it’s like when you’re focused on thoughts like that? Like those thoughts are pretty much your world, like you can’t see or think about anything else?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Yes—­it is pretty much like this.

And your worried thoughts about other things—­is it the same process there? They come up, completely take over the view, like there’s almost nothing else there?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Yes—­it is pretty much like this.###Response:And your worried thoughts about other things—­is it the same process there? They come up, completely take over the view, like there’s almost nothing else there?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Yes, usually I can hardly think about anything else.

My guess is they don’t even look like thoughts at those points, just as your fingers don’t exactly look like fingers at that distance. Do they seem like a commentary on reality, like that’s just what’s really there?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Yes, usually I can hardly think about anything else.###Response:My guess is they don’t even look like thoughts at those points, just as your fingers don’t exactly look like fingers at that distance. Do they seem like a commentary on reality, like that’s just what’s really there?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Yeah, they do. I’ve been able to notice some of my thoughts as thoughts since I started seeing you, but the worried ones it’s like that’s just how it is.

Okay. And I’d like you to notice how hampered you are right now, how disabled you are with your hands right in front of your eyes. How good of a job do you think you could do walking around the room, or driving home, or getting things done at home, with your hands like that?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Yeah, they do. I’ve been able to notice some of my thoughts as thoughts since I started seeing you, but the worried ones it’s like that’s just how it is.###Response:Okay. And I’d like you to notice how hampered you are right now, how disabled you are with your hands right in front of your eyes. How good of a job do you think you could do walking around the room, or driving home, or getting things done at home, with your hands like that?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Not a good job at all. I doubt if I could even get to the door without tripping on something.

Right. And how effective are you when you’re holding those worrisome thoughts close, taking them for granted?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Not a good job at all. I doubt if I could even get to the door without tripping on something.###Response:Right. And how effective are you when you’re holding those worrisome thoughts close, taking them for granted?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Well, I can usually get to a door without tripping, but sometimes I get so distracted that I can’t do much of anything.

Exactly. When you don’t even notice them as thoughts, you hold them close. Sometimes you can’t even see enough of the world around you to function. Let’s try something else. Move your hands away from your face, maybe about two feet in front of you, and spread your fingers open. Good. Now let’s physically label some of those fingers again, one by one. What were the thoughts about your kids?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Well, I can usually get to a door without tripping, but sometimes I get so distracted that I can’t do much of anything.###Response:Exactly. When you don’t even notice them as thoughts, you hold them close. Sometimes you can’t even see enough of the world around you to function. Let’s try something else. Move your hands away from your face, maybe about two feet in front of you, and spread your fingers open. Good. Now let’s physically label some of those fingers again, one by one. What were the thoughts about your kids?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

What if they’re using drugs? What if the bus crashed? What if they get hurt playing? What if they’re being bullied?

Good. And as you look at your hands now, what do you see?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:What if they’re using drugs? What if the bus crashed? What if they get hurt playing? What if they’re being bullied?###Response:Good. And as you look at your hands now, what do you see?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Well, I still see my hands and my fingers.

Right. Those thoughts are still there, aren’t they? And what’s different this time—­what else can you see?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Well, I still see my hands and my fingers.###Response:Right. Those thoughts are still there, aren’t they? And what’s different this time—­what else can you see?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

I can see pretty much everything in the room. My hands and fingers block a little bit from here, but not much.

Good. You’ve tagged those thoughts as thoughts, gotten some distance. They’re still there, but you can see more of the world around you. More possibilities.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:I can see pretty much everything in the room. My hands and fingers block a little bit from here, but not much.###Response:Good. You’ve tagged those thoughts as thoughts, gotten some distance. They’re still there, but you can see more of the world around you. More possibilities.

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

But I still worry. It still bothers me to worry that they could be hurt right now.

Right—­just like those fingers, your hands, are still there. It doesn’t get rid of the worry, the thoughts. But is noticing those thoughts—­those fingers—­a bit different from when they were right up against your eyes?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:But I still worry. It still bothers me to worry that they could be hurt right now.###Response:Right—­just like those fingers, your hands, are still there. It doesn’t get rid of the worry, the thoughts. But is noticing those thoughts—­those fingers—­a bit different from when they were right up against your eyes?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

A bit.

I want to ask something else, too. When those worrisome thoughts come up, it looks to me like they’re very compelling, they just seem like facts. Is that right?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:A bit.###Response:I want to ask something else, too. When those worrisome thoughts come up, it looks to me like they’re very compelling, they just seem like facts. Is that right?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Yes—­that’s why I worry so much when they come up.

So one advantage of noticing them as thoughts, out there, is that it gives you the opportunity to contrast them with your direct experience. For example, how many times has your kids’ bus crashed?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Yes—­that’s why I worry so much when they come up.###Response:So one advantage of noticing them as thoughts, out there, is that it gives you the opportunity to contrast them with your direct experience. For example, how many times has your kids’ bus crashed?

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

Never, but that doesn’t mean it won’t crash.

You’re right. It could. But notice how quickly and closely that thought, “What if their bus has crashed?” has grabbed you in the past. It presents itself as a simple reflection of reality, as something that’s imminent, likely to happen. And your experience says it’s never happened to your kids yet, but it could happen. If it’s up here [holds his hands in front of his own face], it’s the whole world. Nothing else is out there. If it’s out here [holds his hands a few feet away, fingers spread open], it’s just a thought. And once they’re out here, your direct experience about what has happened gets to have some input.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:Never, but that doesn’t mean it won’t crash.###Response:You’re right. It could. But notice how quickly and closely that thought, “What if their bus has crashed?” has grabbed you in the past. It presents itself as a simple reflection of reality, as something that’s imminent, likely to happen. And your experience says it’s never happened to your kids yet, but it could happen. If it’s up here [holds his hands in front of his own face], it’s the whole world. Nothing else is out there. If it’s out here [holds his hands a few feet away, fingers spread open], it’s just a thought. And once they’re out here, your direct experience about what has happened gets to have some input.

The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.

I get what you’re saying. I just worry I won’t be able to remember this when I need to.

It will take practice, but I’ll help you point out thoughts like these regularly as we go along.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction: The “Thoughts as Hands” metaphor uses a simple physical metaphor to illustrate how buying into our problematic thoughts obscures our view of the world around us, convincing us that those thoughts define reality.###Input:I get what you’re saying. I just worry I won’t be able to remember this when I need to.###Response:It will take practice, but I’ll help you point out thoughts like these regularly as we go along.

The and-­but technique may not have a dramatic effect, but it can form an opening that helps the client more seriously consider whether both condi- tions can coexist.

I’ve just burned too many bridges. I haven’t talked to my kids for over six years. I don’t think they even want to talk to me, after all the problems I’ve caused. I really want to see them, but I feel so ashamed.

Yeah, I can see how hopeless it must feel to really want to connect with them, and to feel like there’s no chance. I want to look at that last thought, though: “I really want to see them, but I feel so ashamed.” The word “but” is a tricky one in thoughts like this. You know, if we go back several hundred years, the word “but” was actually two words: “be out.” As if you want to do something, but another thing literally has to “be out” of the way for you to be able to do it. Like here: you want to see your kids, but your mind is saying that shame needs to “be out” of the way, gone, first. I know the shame is big—­you feel a lot of it, and it’s very hard to have. And…is it literally physically preventing you from seeing your kids?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The and-­but technique may not have a dramatic effect, but it can form an opening that helps the client more seriously consider whether both condi- tions can coexist.###Input:I’ve just burned too many bridges. I haven’t talked to my kids for over six years. I don’t think they even want to talk to me, after all the problems I’ve caused. I really want to see them, but I feel so ashamed.###Response:Yeah, I can see how hopeless it must feel to really want to connect with them, and to feel like there’s no chance. I want to look at that last thought, though: “I really want to see them, but I feel so ashamed.” The word “but” is a tricky one in thoughts like this. You know, if we go back several hundred years, the word “but” was actually two words: “be out.” As if you want to do something, but another thing literally has to “be out” of the way for you to be able to do it. Like here: you want to see your kids, but your mind is saying that shame needs to “be out” of the way, gone, first. I know the shame is big—­you feel a lot of it, and it’s very hard to have. And…is it literally physically preventing you from seeing your kids?

The and-­but technique may not have a dramatic effect, but it can form an opening that helps the client more seriously consider whether both conditions can coexist.

I guess not. I just don’t know if I can bear it.

And that’s something we’ll keep working on, since it clearly matters to you that you see your kids. And for right now, I’d like to try something. As we talk for the rest of the session [or for the next several minutes], every time the word “but” comes up, for both of us, let’s replace “but” with the word “and,” and repeat the sentence. Could you try that with, “I really want to see my kids, but I feel so ashamed”?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The and-­but technique may not have a dramatic effect, but it can form an opening that helps the client more seriously consider whether both conditions can coexist.###Input: I guess not. I just don’t know if I can bear it.###Response:And that’s something we’ll keep working on, since it clearly matters to you that you see your kids. And for right now, I’d like to try something. As we talk for the rest of the session [or for the next several minutes], every time the word “but” comes up, for both of us, let’s replace “but” with the word “and,” and repeat the sentence. Could you try that with, “I really want to see my kids, but I feel so ashamed”?

The and-­but technique may not have a dramatic effect, but it can form an opening that helps the client more seriously consider whether both conditions can coexist.

I really want to see my kids, and I feel so ashamed.

Does that thought hit you any differently?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The and-­but technique may not have a dramatic effect, but it can form an opening that helps the client more seriously consider whether both conditions can coexist.###Input: I really want to see my kids, and I feel so ashamed.###Response:Does that thought hit you any differently?

The and-­but technique may not have a dramatic effect, but it can form an opening that helps the client more seriously consider whether both conditions can coexist.

A little. It’s like, maybe both things can be there at the same time.

Yeah. Maybe you could feel ashamed and see your kids.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:The and-­but technique may not have a dramatic effect, but it can form an opening that helps the client more seriously consider whether both conditions can coexist.###Input:A little. It’s like, maybe both things can be there at the same time.###Response:Yeah. Maybe you could feel ashamed and see your kids.

Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.

I’m hopeless.

Yeah…hopeless. That’s a powerful word, isn’t it? I mean, it’s one of those words that can just completely take over. Completely make it look like there is absolutely, categorically is no hope. Does it feel likethat when you say, “I’m hopeless”?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.###Input:I’m hopeless.###Response:Yeah…hopeless. That’s a powerful word, isn’t it? I mean, it’s one of those words that can just completely take over. Completely make it look like there is absolutely, categorically is no hope. Does it feel likethat when you say, “I’m hopeless”?

Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.

Yes, yes it does.

Let’s try something here. That word “hopeless” claims that every part of you is hopeless. We could argue with it, try to build a case against it, but I know you’ve already done a lot of that—­and the word, the thought, is still there. Let’s look at that word from a little different angle, just to see if maybe there’s something a little fishy about it. Do you know any Spanish?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.###Input:Yes, yes it does.###Response:Let’s try something here. That word “hopeless” claims that every part of you is hopeless. We could argue with it, try to build a case against it, but I know you’ve already done a lot of that—­and the word, the thought, is still there. Let’s look at that word from a little different angle, just to see if maybe there’s something a little fishy about it. Do you know any Spanish?

Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.

Spanish? Uh, no, not really. Just maybe a few words— si, adios amigo—that kind of thing.

Okay. Let’s find the Spanish word for hopeless on the computer. [Types in word to online translator.] Sin esperanza. Would you say that for me? ­“I’m sin esperanza.”

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.###Input:Spanish? Uh, no, not really. Just maybe a few words— si, adios amigo—that kind of thing.###Response:Okay. Let’s find the Spanish word for hopeless on the computer. [Types in word to online translator.] Sin esperanza. Would you say that for me? ­“I’m sin esperanza.”

Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.

Okay—­I’m sin esperanza. It kind of sounds like I’m giving myself a girl’s name.

Yeah. “I’m sin esperanza.” “Sin esperanza” claims to define your entire life. Do you believe her?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.###Input: Okay—­I’m sin esperanza. It kind of sounds like I’m giving myself a girl’s name.###Response:Yeah. “I’m sin esperanza.” “Sin esperanza” claims to define your entire life. Do you believe her?

Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.

No. No, not at all.

And that word in English makes the same claim. Different letters, different sounds, but still “sin esperanza.” Sound a little bit fishy?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.###Input:No. No, not at all. ###Response:And that word in English makes the same claim. Different letters, different sounds, but still “sin esperanza.” Sound a little bit fishy?

Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.

Kind of. I really have felt completely hopeless when I’ve thought about that in the past. But it doesn’t feel so complete right now. It’s like, maybe I’m not completely hopeless.

“I’m not completely sin esperanza”?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.###Input:Kind of. I really have felt completely hopeless when I’ve thought about that in the past. But it doesn’t feel so complete right now. It’s like, maybe I’m not completely hopeless. ###Response:“I’m not completely sin esperanza”?

Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.

Yeah…I’m not completely sin esperanza.

And, you know what, my guess is “I’m hopeless” or “I’m completely hopeless” is going to come back sooner or later. I want you to remember the fishiness of that “hopeless” word. “Sin esperanza.” It makes a big, sweeping, definitive claim. And when you peel back those letters and look behind them… what does it look like?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Translation metaphor. An online translator such as Google Translate (or your knowledge of a foreign language) can be used to highlight the odd and arbitrary nature of a particularly powerful word and give the client a different experience with it.###Input:Yeah…I’m not completely sin esperanza.###Response:And, you know what, my guess is “I’m hopeless” or “I’m completely hopeless” is going to come back sooner or later. I want you to remember the fishiness of that “hopeless” word. “Sin esperanza.” It makes a big, sweeping, definitive claim. And when you peel back those letters and look behind them… what does it look like?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

And like I’ve been saying, I just feel like a complete failure in relationships. Sometimes I don’t even see the point in trying to meet someone again.

That’s a painful thought to have. “Failure.” Can I ask what it feels like when that word shows up?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:And like I’ve been saying, I just feel like a complete failure in relationships. Sometimes I don’t even see the point in trying to meet someone again.###Response:That’s a painful thought to have. “Failure.” Can I ask what it feels like when that word shows up?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Ashamed…sad…embarrassed.

It’s a powerful word—­it makes sense that all those feelings would show up. And I know that your past experiences and that “failure” thought are holding you back from trying again. I’d like to take a closer look at that word, to see if we can find a different way to hold it. Would you be willing to do that on the chance that it might help you get out in the dating pool again?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Ashamed…sad…embarrassed.###Response:It’s a powerful word—­it makes sense that all those feelings would show up. And I know that your past experiences and that “failure” thought are holding you back from trying again. I’d like to take a closer look at that word, to see if we can find a different way to hold it. Would you be willing to do that on the chance that it might help you get out in the dating pool again?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

I’ll try anything at this point.

Good. We’ve talked a bit before about how words are tricky—­about how binding they can be. I want to do an exercise where we shake that up a little bit—­experience that word “failure” differently. To make it a little safer, we’ll do the exercise first with a neutral word—­one that doesn’t come with all those tough feelings—­and then try it again with “failure.”

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:I’ll try anything at this point.###Response:Good. We’ve talked a bit before about how words are tricky—­about how binding they can be. I want to do an exercise where we shake that up a little bit—­experience that word “failure” differently. To make it a little safer, we’ll do the exercise first with a neutral word—­one that doesn’t come with all those tough feelings—­and then try it again with “failure.”

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Okay.

Okay. So the neutral word is “milk.” Could you say that out loud and tell me what images or thoughts show up?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Okay.###Response:Okay. So the neutral word is “milk.” Could you say that out loud and tell me what images or thoughts show up?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Milk. I mean, I’m thinking about milk.

Can you picture a glass of milk? Feel the coldness of it? Almost taste it?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Milk. I mean, I’m thinking about milk.###Response:Can you picture a glass of milk? Feel the coldness of it? Almost taste it?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Yes. I’m thinking of cows now, too.

Fine. Notice how all of that is showing up psychologically… and there isn’t even any milk in the room. It’s like a word has the power to bring things into the room—­things that aren’t even really there.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Yes. I’m thinking of cows now, too.###Response:Fine. Notice how all of that is showing up psychologically… and there isn’t even any milk in the room. It’s like a word has the power to bring things into the room—­things that aren’t even really there.

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Okay.

Now this part is a bit silly, so I’ll do it with you. We’re going to say the word “milk” out loud fast for about thirty seconds, and see what happens. Are you okay with that?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Okay.###Response:Now this part is a bit silly, so I’ll do it with you. We’re going to say the word “milk” out loud fast for about thirty seconds, and see what happens. Are you okay with that?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Umm…yeah, I guess so.

Good. Ready? say “milk” repeatedly for thirty seconds...say the word louder and faster.... By the end of the exercise, what was showing up for you when you said milk?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Umm…yeah, I guess so.###Response:Good. Ready? say “milk” repeatedly for thirty seconds...say the word louder and faster.... By the end of the exercise, what was showing up for you when you said milk?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Nothing. It was just weird.

So, no glass of milk, no cows, no coldness?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Nothing. It was just weird.###Response:So, no glass of milk, no cows, no coldness?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

No—­all gone.

Did you find yourself noticing what the word sounded like—­ sort of like MALK—­or what it felt like to make the word’s sounds?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:No—­all gone.###Response:Did you find yourself noticing what the word sounded like—­ sort of like MALK—­or what it felt like to make the word’s sounds?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Yeah—­I did. That’s really all that was there.

That’s really all that words are. Just sounds strung together, movements in your mouth and throat. Or if it’s written down, it’s just scratches on paper. Many hundreds of years ago some guy made up that word, “milk,” and everybody decided what the word would refer to. When you use the word normally, it gains the power to bring things into the room that aren’t even there. But when you experience that word differently, like we just did, what happens?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input: Yeah—­I did. That’s really all that was there.###Response:That’s really all that words are. Just sounds strung together, movements in your mouth and throat. Or if it’s written down, it’s just scratches on paper. Many hundreds of years ago some guy made up that word, “milk,” and everybody decided what the word would refer to. When you use the word normally, it gains the power to bring things into the room that aren’t even there. But when you experience that word differently, like we just did, what happens?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Well, it—­yeah, it just lost all that. It’s like the word was complete nonsense.

And do you see what I mean? All words are like that. Just sounds. Just scratches on paper. And then we take them seriously. And then they get powerful and convince us that they are absolutely true.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Well, it—­yeah, it just lost all that. It’s like the word was complete nonsense. ###Response:And do you see what I mean? All words are like that. Just sounds. Just scratches on paper. And then we take them seriously. And then they get powerful and convince us that they are absolutely true.

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Yeah, I see what you mean.

And that word, “failure.” Would you be willing to say that word once again and tell me what shows up for you?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Yeah, I see what you mean.###Response:And that word, “failure.” Would you be willing to say that word once again and tell me what shows up for you?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Failure. The same as always. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, sad, like there’s something wrong with me. Hopeless.

Yeah. Pretty powerful, isn’t it?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Failure. The same as always. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, sad, like there’s something wrong with me. Hopeless.###Response:Yeah. Pretty powerful, isn’t it?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Yes

And to see what happens with that word, would you be willing to say it out loud fast for about thirty seconds with me?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Yes###Response:And to see what happens with that word, would you be willing to say it out loud fast for about thirty seconds with me?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Yes, I can do that.

repeat “failure” out loud fast for thirty seconds, say it more quickly and louder...What was showing up for you toward the end of the exercise?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Yes, I can do that.###Response:repeat “failure” out loud fast for thirty seconds, say it more quickly and louder...What was showing up for you toward the end of the exercise?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

We got to the point where we couldn’t even say the word—­my lips got all tied up.

What else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:We got to the point where we couldn’t even say the word—­my lips got all tied up.###Response:What else?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

Like with “milk”—­the only things there were these weird sounds, my lips moving, my throat…

Yeah. And the sadness, embarrassment, shame, hopelessness?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:Like with “milk”—­the only things there were these weird sounds, my lips moving, my throat…###Response:Yeah. And the sadness, embarrassment, shame, hopelessness?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

It’s still there when I think about the word. It’s just kind of… different. Like it’s not quite as big right now as it usually feels.

Yeah. And I’m wondering about some of the things that word typically brings into the room, like “There’s something wrong with me” because of past failures, or that finding anyone in the future is “hopeless.” Because the feelings are really there, right? “Failure” doesn’t bring those into the room—­or maybe it brings more of those feelings. But when it has that power—do you think maybe it brings that sense of “Something is really wrong with me,” “My relationship future is hopeless,” into the room?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:It’s still there when I think about the word. It’s just kind of… different. Like it’s not quite as big right now as it usually feels.###Response:Yeah. And I’m wondering about some of the things that word typically brings into the room, like “There’s something wrong with me” because of past failures, or that finding anyone in the future is “hopeless.” Because the feelings are really there, right? “Failure” doesn’t bring those into the room—­or maybe it brings more of those feelings. But when it has that power—do you think maybe it brings that sense of “Something is really wrong with me,” “My relationship future is hopeless,” into the room?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

But I really do feel like there is something wrong with me.

Yeah. And those are words too, right? I wonder what would happen if we did that exercise with every one of those words, too?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:But I really do feel like there is something wrong with me.###Response:Yeah. And those are words too, right? I wonder what would happen if we did that exercise with every one of those words, too?

Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.

That would be weird.

Yes. And would you guess that the same thing would happen?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Word Repetition metaphor. The word-­repetition exercise, involves excessive repetition of a word. The process is intended to experientially highlight the arbitrary nature of words and reduce their literal functions.###Input:That would be weird.###Response:Yes. And would you guess that the same thing would happen?